Small Insights!

Ideas

2011-12-06T01:34:00.000+05:30

The quiet of the night,
ideas - taking birth,
images - swirling through my head,
the mist, lifting itself,
the faint traces of a path,
peeping through the woods.

Why then do I have to stop?
Why do I have to sleep?
If only I could go on,
but then am tired.

Tomorrow then,
with the morning sunlight,
will my ideas see the light.

DSC_1272.jpg

2010-05-26T01:19:00.001+05:30

DSC_1272.jpg, originally uploaded by Aroj.

DSC_1320.jpg

2010-05-26T01:14:00.001+05:30

DSC_1320.jpg, originally uploaded by Aroj.

DSC_1297.jpg

2010-05-26T01:13:00.005+05:30

DSC_1297.jpg, originally uploaded by Aroj.

DSC_1287.jpg

2010-05-26T01:13:00.003+05:30

DSC_1287.jpg, originally uploaded by Aroj.

DSC_1282.jpg

2010-05-26T01:13:00.001+05:30

DSC_1282.jpg, originally uploaded by Aroj.

DSC_1260.jpg

2010-05-26T01:12:00.003+05:30

DSC_1260.jpg, originally uploaded by Aroj.

DSC_1114.jpg

2010-05-26T01:12:00.001+05:30

DSC_1114.jpg, originally uploaded by Aroj.

DSC_1105.jpg

2010-05-26T01:11:00.005+05:30

DSC_1105.jpg, originally uploaded by Aroj.

DSC_1110.jpg

2010-05-26T01:11:00.003+05:30

DSC_1110.jpg, originally uploaded by Aroj.

DSC_1105.jpg

2010-05-26T01:11:00.001+05:30

DSC_1105.jpg, originally uploaded by Aroj.

DSC_1097.jpg

2010-05-26T01:10:00.003+05:30

DSC_1097.jpg, originally uploaded by Aroj.

DSC_1093.jpg

2010-05-26T01:10:00.001+05:30

DSC_1093.jpg, originally uploaded by Aroj.

DSC_0887.jpg

2010-05-26T01:09:00.003+05:30

DSC_0887.jpg, originally uploaded by Aroj.

DSC_1236.jpg

2010-05-26T01:09:00.001+05:30

DSC_1236.jpg, originally uploaded by Aroj.

DSC_1227.jpg

2010-05-26T01:06:00.001+05:30

DSC_1227.jpg, originally uploaded by Aroj.

On Love...

2010-01-11T00:20:00.003+05:30

Well, it's one of the most complicated of things.. isn't it?
But in the end, love really means it's about the other.
We human beings are inherently selfish. And lazy. We do work only for ourselves.
Everything that we do is for ourselves. Even loving someone is in some way a selfish act.
But there's the paradox. Love is the only exception where you put the other first.

Love is the only exception when you put in effort for somone else. Without even realising that
what you did was something beyond. Because when you really love somone, it's just natural.
It's just no big deal.

Our parents, brothers and sisters, best friends, and the love of our life. Different loves, yet essentially the same.

I think the Gift of Magi captures this very well.. I love this short story by O. Henry..
http://www.auburn.edu/~vestmon/Gift_of_the_Magi.html

On Marriage...

2009-12-27T21:56:00.003+05:30

One of the things about festive occassions is the increased interaction with your relatives. And when you are a single guy, the one topic that's on everyones mind is, Marriage!

Know they all mean well, and they would want me to be happily settled with a nice girl and all..

But I can't really do this marriage thing just for the sake of it. Just because I am 28 and it will be difficult to find girls afterwards!

I would rather marry when I find someone with whom I share something meaningful and beautiful. Someone I would want to spend a lot of time with. Someone with whom I have a lot in common and who shares my thoughts and interests.

Love should be effortless. You just look at her and you just know. It's something just very natural. I don't know why people want to define it, philosophise it, romanticise it or even demean it.

People ask me what is my criteria, what is that am looking for in a girl. Frankly speaking, I don't know. People are not a sum total of their hobbies and appearances. So on what do I define any criteria at all. I don't have any criteria for the girl I want to be with. When you love someone, you are in love about everything that they are, every small tiny little thing. Any predefined criteria about how someone should be goes for a complete toss. And so I don't keep any expectations of how she should be.

Thankfully Dad and Mom are not in a hurry. They just want me to be with the one I would want to be. And like all things in this world, that will happen when it has too. In its own sweet time.

Mother Mary

2009-12-26T14:16:00.001+05:30

Mother Mary, originally uploaded by Aroj.

Mumbai Sunset

2009-12-26T14:14:00.001+05:30

mumbai sea 169, originally uploaded by Aroj.

On Photography

2009-12-26T13:37:00.003+05:30

Got myself a new DSLR recently, Nikon D5000. That one decision has set me on the road to learning photography and mastering my camera. And its turning out to be quite an awesome journey.

It's the same for all things, when you attempt to learn something new, you go through a journey.

From the exciting beginnings, to the confusion and desperation, to the sudden insights and then the feeling of content, only to realize that there's so much more that you didn't know and that there's so much more that could make a lot of difference. This journey never ends.

I look at those pros, and think, damn when will I ever be able to take snaps like them. But I know I have something in me. I know that when I read these articles and rules on how to take good snaps and realize that I already knew these things intuitively. Nobody had told me these things and yet I knew. It feels really great when you see that what you always knew, is mentioned down as a rule for other people to learn.

I take my camera along everywhere I can. Every week I learn something new. I think at this point in time I know most of the things. And its more practice that's going to lead me higher.

No, I don't just want to take pictures for fun. I want to take pictures that will blow your mind away. Make you say "Wow!"

Am not there yet, but that's the journey am on.

I see dead people...

2009-11-29T00:41:00.002+05:30

Ok, now don't jump of your seat, I haven't gone pyscho.. :-)

But I love this line from the Sixth Sense. I just feel that, I tend to see things differently from most people. I can see things that others somehow can't. I mean be it at work or otherwise, I tend to have a different perspective, something other's hadn't thought of.

Like sometimes I see a movie and like it, only to know the others thought it was a horrible movie :-) Just that I could see what the director meant to portray..or maybe I interpreted it differently..

I just happen to see things differently..like my eyes being fitted with a different camera..a different view :-)

Unlike the boy in the Sixth Sense, I think this a blessing, I can see things that others cannot.:-)

Timeless

2009-11-29T00:15:00.003+05:30

Attempted a poem after a really really long time..for a friend's birthday...

For somethings are timeless.

The picture that you take,
the painting that you make,
the poems that you write,
the words that rhyme,
and the thoughts that flow,
the song that you sing,
All that an act of creation,
an expression of self,
the wonder in that, truly yours
and yours alone.

Our hobbies and our passions enrich us, define us, make us grow.
So this birthday, here's hoping, you are inspired to
to pick up a new hobby and or liven up a long forgotten one.

And so these books,
Not a rulebook,
but an inspiration;
- to more things timeless.

The German goalkeeper's suicide...

2009-11-14T01:49:00.005+05:30

His widow Teresa said she had hoped her love would help her husband pull through his crisis.

"I tried to give him hope again, to show him that football was not everything, that we had each other," she bravely told a press conference through the tears.

"I was always by his side: I believed, with love, we could pull through this.

"But football meant everything to him."

http://www.matthewyglesias.com/world/1174-germany-goalkeeper39s-suicide-came-after.html

I feel deeply saddened by this news. The day's paper had news about two other suicides as well. Both young boys, who had taken their lives. One after being punished by his teacher. Other after failing his exam.

It's even harder, seeing his wife talk on television, trying to hold back the tears. When you think of all the pain he's had to go through, he lost his two year old kid to a heart infection, you think, it must have been really really difficult to continue to go on.

But when you have someone who loves you and is there to be by your side, how then can you take your own life? That's something I am finding it so hard to understand.

I have always felt that, when someone is at a point where he is thinking of ending his life, all he needs to know is that he is invaluable to someone. It's only when they are convinced, that it would matter to no one, no one at all, if they were not to be there any longer, then and only then can they take that extreme step of taking their lives.

All those people who take their lives, I wish they knew they were not as alone as they thought themselves to be. And I wish strength to the people around them. May they inspire them to see the beauty that is there in life. Even when their share of pain is more than what they should have had.

But unfortunately, love alone was not enough for him. It is indeed work that gives our life meaning. And what happens when you lose that? Can love help tide you over?? In this case though, it couldn't. And that saddens me a great deal.

I wish his widow peace and the will to live, it's going to be even more harder for her to live without him now, but she has to, for her child.

Can't believe it..

2009-11-14T01:17:00.003+05:30

That my last post was almost an year ago! You mean a year's gone by so fast?
And that I haven't written anything at all!

As another birthday looms near :-), I realize, I have to get back, to what I once loved doing...

So heres hoping, that I am back to writing..!

Happy Birthday!

2008-12-06T23:51:00.002+05:30

Well, here's me, another year older :-)

The highlight of the day? The full Happy Bday song sung to me over the phone by my niece, nephew and aunts :-) Wow, that felt real nice. I guess one is never too old to enjoy the good old Happy Bday being sung to you!!

The second highlight was the absolutely delicious cake.. I have been getting to have a lot of cakes recently.. :-)

Not in too much of a mood to celebrate either, given all that's been happening in the city.

Too much has happened, it could have been worse, but that's no consolation for the ones who have lost their loved ones.

So I can't help thinking about Death on a day like this. None of us can escape it for sure when our time comes. But till then, every moment is a gift. And all that matters is we live our life.

This year has been a real tough time for me. But wonder of wonders! I have made it through.. alive!

And I now have realised one thing... if it's meant to happen, it will, in its own sweet time.

At the same time, it's not destiny to look forward to. It's the moments to look forward to.

And thank you Lord, for all the miracles and coincidences, just when I was least expecting anything. They keep me going...

Dead Poet's Society..

2008-10-30T20:37:00.001+05:30

On poetry...

"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race.

And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?"

Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be."

Of Problems...

2008-10-30T20:21:00.003+05:30

Why is it that nothing in life is ever simple? Why is it that there are always problems?
Why is it that something always goes wrong? Why is it that nothing ever goes to a plan?
Why is it that wishes never come true?

And I look around myself and I see problems everywhere. Kashmir's burning to the build being broken. Big or small, something wrong everywhere.

So much we wish to resolve these problems. So much we wish there wouldn't be any more.
But yet, out of nowhere, it shows up again.

The perfect state, no issues and no problems and life's smooth and all are happy and at peace.
Why is this so impossible? Why can't we have a world without problems?

Maybe, that would be a movie without a villain? Boring?

I find it so fascinating...in the end..for all that they say and for all that they talk and for all that they claim, its adversity that separates the men from the boys, the real from the fake, the strong from the weak.

So then, here's me, up against all my little problems, that my life has wisely chosen to test me with, taking courage in the saying, "For what doesn't kill me, only makes me stronger!"

Life's other name then must be problem.

My Life..

2008-10-28T22:15:00.005+05:30

That breathtaking shot. That inspiring scene.

Transported dreams. Poetic awe.

That hard to put down read. That philosophical write

Movie magic. Musical high.

Lazy weekends. My friends.

Morning sunrise. Nighttime glow.

Mom's kitchen. Maximum City.

What would my life be,

without you.

Who Am I?

2008-10-28T21:45:00.002+05:30

Just looked at my orkut profile and saw how horribly outdated it is..or have I changed a lot in the last year..I guess we are ever changing...our interests, hobbies, priorities..does it then make sense to define who you are at any given time?

Who am I?
If only that were such a simple answer.
The lessons life throws at me,
how can I not be different each day.
Does it matter then who I am today,
when I will no longer be the same tomorrow?
Or maybe, I will always be the same.
And no one will still know the difference?

The Greatest..

2008-10-23T12:54:00.004+05:30

The hardest thing in the world. The Wait.

The greatest gift? The gift of Inspiration.

The purest thing? Unbridled Enthusiasm.

The best unwind? Friends n Music.

The greatest escape? An engrossing read. A thrilling watch.

The greatest invention in the world?

The telephone. Never far from the ones we love.

The aircraft. When the sound of their voices are just not enough.

The most beautiful thing in the world?
Two people, in love with each other. Their eyes.
A mother's unconditional love.
A father's pride.

I Want..

2008-10-22T19:01:00.001+05:30

I want a world without fires.
Would that be a world without heroes?
I want a world without crisis.
Where will then be the opportunity to rise up to the occasion?
I want a world that's easy.
But that would be bore me to the death.

I want a world without pain.
But then would happiness still mean the same?
I want a world without evil.
But then what would good triumph over?

I want a world without fights.
But would anyone then care about anything?
I want a world without problems,
But then how would I ever grow?

I want a world where I get what I want.
But then would I prize them as much?

I want a world without work.
But then would my life mean as much?
I want a world without rules.
But so would be a world full of chaos.

I want a world that's fair.
But that's too much to ask for?
How else can I be wise?

Meeting myself...

2008-10-21T13:22:00.002+05:30

It's not daily that you open the door to pickup the morning newspaper and find yourself standing outside.

"Heavens!! What the hell?!"

And it's not daily that you end up with Heaven and Hell in the same breath.

"Am I dreaming? What are you? And what are you doing outside?” I add.

"I am you! Who else!! Can’t you see? Wakeup!"

Well, it's someone who looks very much like me for sure. Well, I'll just let him in and see where this goes...

"Ah, well, then, come on in." I now try and act cool.

"Have a seat. Should I say, consider yourself at home?"

"Well, thank you.

"So, what brings you here then? I wasn't really expecting you, you know?"

"Well, what's life without a little surprise thrown in? Isn't it?"

"Thanks! I am really glad for the surprise."

"This is a dream, isn't? Please tell me this just another of those dreams". I am pinching myself as I say this.

"Well, you are the one who keeps talking about dreams coming true! But ya, this is no dream."

"Great!” I look around, rub my eyes. But to no avail. Things around me are still the same.And he is still standing there in front of me! This is no dream!!

But he seemed harmless. I feel I can relax a bit. After all, it's just me am dealing here with!
"So where are you from? And what news do you bring for me?"

Is he from the future? Scenes from Terminator flash through my mind. Nah, I think I would settle for Back To Future instead.

"Yes I am from the future. October 2012."

2012? That's the year all those news channels had been touting as the new "End of the World" date.

"What?!"

"Yes, they are right. They are this time."

"I don't believe this. And if the world did end, what happened to you? How are you here?"

"I am here to help you save the world."

"Me? Save the world?" I am about to faint, as I hear loud laughter.

"Nah, joking! Caught you!!"

"Please, right now am not really in a mood to appreciate your humour, so if you can please?"

Am beginning to lose my temper.

"Can you please tell me why you are here? You see, I really don't like getting angry, especially with myself."

"Hey have some patience man! I have a question for you."

A question? What's he going to ask?

"Well, I want to know.... why haven't you blogged since long?!"

What?? Did some of my readers send him here?

"Well, you know...change in place...it's a new project..I have more responsibilities now..."

"Crap!"

"Well, I just haven't been able to take out much time to write..!"

"Have you forgotten how much you loved writing?"

"Hmm..I haven’t...but..."

"Hey, you don't use it, you lose it!"

"I don't want to lose what I have."

"Yup. And that takes some work now boy."

"I still love to write. That act of creation. That flow of words. Filling up the blank spaces..."

"Yes..that quiet satisfaction..of having let yourself free..of letting your imagination fly.."

"Of not being happy with your first write and it getting better and better with each draft..."

"Thanks...thanks for coming in here and encouraging me to write again."

"Well! I have defied all the laws of physics to just be here."

"Who are you really? Are you really time traveling or something from the future? Or are you just an illusion?"

"No. I am your spark. The spark of your imagination."

"Ah!"

"And now make me a promise that you will continue writing regularly?"

"I promise :-)"

"It's time for me to go then."

"When will I see you again?"

"I will be back, just when you need me again. :-)"

And with that he vanished into thin air.

And I retire back to my bed thinking I have to write about this!

Being in the zone...

2008-09-04T23:22:00.002+05:30

That sense of wonder. That thrill.
That goes right to the heart.

That wonder of creating something.
Something that's truly yours.
Master of your creation.

Of small little wins. One at a time. Adding up.
Lightning hands. Magic in them.
World stopping still. Time flying fast.
No stopping me. What are obstacles?

That sense of silence. Another world.
Peace. Joy. Happiness. Exhilaration.

To feel elevated. Above the ordinary.
That is to feel heaven.
It's called being in the zone. That moment of absolute bliss when you are God.
And whatever it is that you are doing, you are at your absolute best.

Programming, photography, writing....some of the things that have thrown me into the "zone"....

But nowadays its so much harder...work load, change of place, dont know what..

A Moment of Inspiration

2008-05-23T22:40:00.005+05:30

So this one's inspired by all that IPL fever going on..and also an attempt to capture a moment in time...

Out he walked into chaos.
11 pairs of eyes boring down deep into him,
seeming to tell him,
you too will perish, just like the others.
Soon you too will be running back home,
tail between your legs.

He trudges along scared. A situation too alien for him.
Hopes of his team resting on his fragile shoulders, as thoughts race through his mind,
Why me, Lord? Why has it come down to me of all the people?
So many stars, yet it's me who's been asked to do this miracle.

He takes his guard trembling, his partner watches him from the other end.
The speed wagon thrutles down the ground.
He could feel the earth shake even more.
As if a storm was heading straight for him.
A deafening sound.
And in a moment, it has whizzed past him.

He's still alive. But the battle's lost.
The predator has smelt the fear in the eyes of the prey.
Something that will spur him to come back stronger to swoon in for the kill.
He wants this to quickly end. It's hard to take in this pressure.

And he looks at his partner, to see that he has given up hope.
He turns to look at his coach, who can only shake his head in despair.
He suddenly feels very lonely. All alone in this impossible situation.
Left to fend for himself.

And in this moment of loneliness, he remembers his fathers word's.
You are no good, just look at you, you can never be a cricketer.
You will always be a failure in cricket as you are a failure in life now.
And suddenly his face is flush with rage.
He remembers the promise he had made to himself, to prove his father wrong.

And this here, right now, he could hear his father's laughter.
Almost mocking him.

I have to do this. I will prove myself.
All those days and all those nights, has now come down to this moment.
A sudden strength comes over him, possessing him.

The storm comes running down again.
Up goes the bat, swinging down from the height,
the sweet sound
and away goes the ball, a beautiful trajectory,
high, sailing away,
way over the limits,
right into the deafening roar of the crowd.

It's a maximum! It's a miracle!

But he's still standing there. Suddenly the world's a blur.
But he can still see that white,
trace that path up into the sky,
almost as if in a slow motion replay.
Proud that it was him that had put it up there.
Boy, such a beautiful sight,
to see it go flying into the air like that.

He had done it. He had conquered his fears yet again.
He had proved his father wrong.
But the irony wasn't lost on him.
In the end, it was in his father's very words,
that he had found courage,
when he needed it most.

There does exist some kind of magic in this world...

2008-04-20T22:55:00.002+05:30

There does! Of late I have been noticing a lot of coincidences in my life..certain things seem to keep happening, when they might as well have not happened! Is there a meaning to all this? There must be..but I cant understand yet...

But it all seems magical..like how I often ask these questions to myself and somehow, through the words of some friend, or sometimes strangers or TV or a random book or movie..I do get the answer...

It's as if the world is actually speaking to me...

I wonder..does this happen to everyone..or is this a sagitarian thing?

After another busy day in office...

2008-04-19T15:27:00.007+05:30

Never been motivated to write a fictional piece before...but this is fun! My second piece of romantic fiction, this time it's not a programming language :-)...

Another busy day in office. All those conversations and discussions and getting things done and solving problems and now he was tired. All he wanted now was to be just be home with her. See her smile at him that way she did every time.

The way only she could ever. A smile that even today, after all these years, brought to him a peace he couldn't explain. Every time he saw her, he had felt so much at home, in a way he had never felt before he had met her.

Walking down the stairs from his second floor office, smiling to himself, he suddenly gets a call. It's from her. He picks it up eagerly only to realise at the first hello that something was wrong.This was not the beautiful sound that he could never have enough of.

She had been admitted to a hospital. She was down with a severe attack of diarrhoea and vomiting. It must have been the team outing the day before that she had been to, he thought to himself.

He couldn't help feel a pang of regret. Wish he had been there with her...

But right now the only thing on his mind was catching the first cab to the hospital. He reaches the hospital and rushes into her room.

And there he sees her. Her eyes closed, she is sleeping with all the serenity in the world. He carefully closes the door so as to not wake her up. And he sits down beside her. All he wants to do now is to just keep looking at that beauty that lay before him.

And he couldn't help wonder. All those beautiful women out there. All those pretty faces that fascinated him. All those women who liked him and admired him so much. And yet it was she whom he had fallen for.

She wasn't what one would say, a traditional beauty.Yes, on her day, she could blow away men with her looks. There were days when she would strut in looking stunning. But for him it was never about how she looked. For him, it was about her. Her complete whole. About who she was.

And right now, as he looked down upon her, in that sterile hospital environment, he couldn't escape the reality of how ordinary she looked in her sickness. The sickness had drained the colour from her cheeks. And her long hair was bunched up in a knot behind her.

And yet, even in that ugliness, he couldn't help wonder how someone could still look so beautiful. That beauty lay in the eyes of the beholder was the oldest cliché he had heard.

But here, now, in that moment, as he looked at that face, it hit him with all the certainty in the world, that before him lay one of the most beautiful sights ever. Nothing, nothing at all could be
more beautiful than this.

And then she opens her eyes. As she sees him there, the graveness on her face gives way to a smile, like the tiniest rays of sunlight escaping slowly from behind the dark clouds. That's all that she could manage in her condition.

He picks up her hand and holds it close to him and looks down into those deep black eyes, eyes he could never help being lost in.

And then he just stays that way. He doesn’t utter a word at all.

But in the silence of that moment, she looks into his eyes and hears the most beautiful music ever.

Between Py and Ru..

2008-04-17T22:03:00.004+05:30

Gail: "Have you ever been in love?"
Roark: "I still am."
Gail: "And when you walk through that building, what you feel is greater than that?"
Roark: "Much greater, much greater."

What if Ruby and Python were women? Then I would have to say that I am in love with two women. Outrageous? Ridiculous? Crazy? Whatever. Here’s my love story.

Well I met Py first. She was so different from the others. At first I couldn’t understand her and I didn’t like her. But I don’t know why I took the effort to know her. Destiny?

Maybe it was the hope of finding something beautiful. It took me some time to know her and get used to her ways. And soon I couldn’t help but madly fall in love with her. Conversations with her were so simple and effortless. When I was with her, I was no longer the tounge-tied shy guy the others knew me as.

They say love is one exhilarating feeling. And I couldn’t agree more. I could only see her wherever I went. She was the love of my life, I thought.

Until I met Ru. Well I had heard about her before. Knew her a bit. But I guess, I was so much into Py that I had never bothered to know Ru more. Why do I need her when I had Py with me.

But here in ThoughtWorks, I saw the kind of spell she had the guys under. I would see her smiling at me as they exclaimed praises about her. Everyone seemed to be so much in awe of this girl I had known since long but never cared to know well enough.

Curious, I began to make short talk with her. One conversation led to another and soon I started feeling drawn to her. What attracted me most about her, was her way of life, her philosophy.

She had very clear ideas about who she was. And what she wanted to do. I found myself agreeing a lot with the way she saw things as.

Life to her was about making making people happy. Simple. She believed she was in this world to bring joy into the lives of people around her.

Soon she had me laughing and enjoying her company. She’s fun, I thought to myself. Clever, intelligent and really beautiful.

And like Py, she too was a girl of few words. Yet what was so beautiful about her was the way she could express much more with those few words. Considering that I too like to keep my words to myself,I felt absolutely at home with her. It was like we were connected at some level. So few words exchanged, but yet a lot being said and understood.

I was surprised to learn that she was brought up in Japan by her Japanese father. But she considered the world her true home. She had a handsome Dannish boyfriend too. Somebody deeply in love with her. Somebody who she said was very vocal about her and went around telling everyone how she had changed his life forever! Somebody so crazy about her that he believed he could change the world with her by his side!

“Kinda silly of him”, she said,“Thanks to him a lot of people want to know more about me. But people don’t realise that I am much more than his girlfriend!! But yes I love him for what he has done for me.", she said.

Oh, she has a boyfriend, I tried to hide my disappointment. But yes, love does make people do all kind of crazy things and he seemed to be very much in love with her.

Maybe she saw the frown on my face and added, “Ofcourse that doesn’t mean I can’t have friends!". A smile on her face as she said that. Or was it just me beginning to feel smitten.

As days went by, I found myself craving her company more than anything else. There was something so beautiful about her. No, not the kind of beauty that Py had. Ru was beautiful in a totally different sense.

She appealed to the part of me that craved freedom. Freedom is true power. The freedom as in “Free to choose”.

Free of restrictons. And inhibitions. Not limited by rules set up by disciplinarians who tell you that the restrictions are for your own good. They may have a point. But I guess I can decide for myself what is good for me and what is not.

And soon I found myself falling in love with her.

Now what? I am in love with two women. Who’s the one for me? Who’s side should I take? Who’s the one with whom I should be?

Two sisters. But two different philosophies. And it’s their respective philosophies that intrigue me more.

Py likes things neat and clean. She won’t go with the unruly guy.
And she is very particular about maintaing her space.

Ru lets you have your way. She can be sweet to the nice disciplined guy. And also play along with the bad disorganized guy. She doesn’t discriminate and adapts herself to make everyone feel at home. For she wants all, each and everyone to experience her joy.

Two wonderful people I have a great time with.
If only I could be with both of them....

The Greatest Feeling...

2008-04-10T03:17:00.002+05:30

What we feel is what makes us human. So whats the greatest feeling in the world, besides being in love?

For me I have now realised, it's what I feel after I have done something that I have always been afraid of.

Yes the greatest feeling on this earth for me is conquering my fears.
Going out and doing something that's scary. Or rather your mind says that its scary.

You see its in the very act of confronting our fears that we live our lives to the fullest.

Right now, for me, it's like a tap that has been opened. And the water's flowing out real strong. I am no longer afraid. There's no stopping this current.

For I have conquered my fears. I have gone out and done what I thought I could never do. And it has filled me with so much confidence that now I know I can win over my other fears too. I know it wont be easy. But win, I will.

And it's an absolutely heady feeling. I feel like just jumping up and down shouting out loud, Hey! Hey! You know what?! I did it! I did it!! I am no longer afraid!

It's like this exhilarating feeling of extreme happiness where you want to scream your lungs out because you are filled with so much energy that you just have to let it out!

What was the impossible is now history. I have looked fear in the eye, and defeated her.

Now I am the one smiling at her. And she is the one trying to hide away from me, vowing she will come back one day in a new form to haunt me again.

Come again, I don't now care, for you now have lost your power over me. I have defeated you once,I will fight the battle again and victory will be mine to savour again.

Life can be very unpredictable. Life can be very short. All we have then is the now.

And its the greatest injustice in this world, if we let fear prevent us from living our lives to the fullest.

Because more than anything, tomorrow may just never come.

Tonite's the Night...

2008-04-10T02:58:00.003+05:30

We are going live with our website tonite....this is what we have been working on since the last 8 months...

Tonite is the night,
that will decide our fate.
All that work
and all that toil,
hope there won't be no spoil.
All that ache
and all that pain,
hope that won't be in vain.

Tonite is the night,
so long has been the wait.
Anxious moments, fingers crossed,
may things go a song, as hoped.

Tonite is the night,
we will win the fight.
Come what may,
we won't sway.
And fight we will,
till it's all still.

Tonite is the night,
the story,it will come to an end.

And the glory will be for ours to claim,
And the happiness will be for ours to savour.

In love with Kimya Dawson's Juno Songs!

2008-04-06T01:02:00.005+05:30

It's late in the night and I was supposed to have hit bed something like two hours back because I had this terrible headache...but here am I writing this post with the headache a distant memory and the night still seeming young :-)

For the past two hours I have been listening to an endless repeat of the Juno soundtrack. Specifically Kimya Dawson's songs.

Of course my favourite is "Tire Swing". Something so beautifully simple about this song that I just can't explain! You just can't help falling in love with this song...And I have always been in love with the sound of the guitar strings...

Number two would be "So Nice So Smart". A song that just brings a smile to my face, time after time.

Number three would be the rappish "Loose Lips". Just listen to the lyrics :-)

Number four would be the "Tree Hugger". Another nice hum along song with interesting lyrics.

Number five would be Rollercoaster. The soundtrack has only a 53 sec version of it. But now after listening to this full version I realize this is the best of the lot! Lot of energy in the song, and great lyrics again.

Among the other songs in the soundtrack I liked a lot are "Dearest" by Buddy Holly, All I Want Is You by Barry Louis Polisar and Any One Else But You by Michael Cera and Ellen Page ( the ending song sung beautifully by the stars themselves...)

Another special mention would be Sea of Love by Cat Power. Another deeply meaningful song sung beautifully.

Maybe its the novelty of the soundtrack that appeals to me most, the songs are wonderfully different from the run of the mill that you hear often. But they just give me so much joy.. I can't help listen to them again and again and again...

And for the first time in my life I so much wish I knew how to play the guitar, for all I want to do right now is to just strum along to the songs!

Thanks people for some great music! You make my day everytime I listen to you!!

Ah Coincidence!

2008-03-27T15:32:00.001+05:30

Ah Coincidence!
What are you?
Are you for real?
Or Are you a dream? An imaginary illusion?
Are you really who you are?
Or are you more than what you seem?

Ah coincidence, why do I see you,
when others cannot.
Why do I ask you,
when others do not.

Where do you come from?
What do you want to say?
Why are you here?
When you can be elsewhere.

What do I see in you?
What others cannot.
Magic and mystery, beyond what we know.
Who has sent you?
What do you want me to do?

Ah Coincidence!
You never cease to amaze me.
How can you be for real?
The hearts alone know how it can feel.
I welcome you with open arms.
Make my life an everyday adventure.

Ah Coincidence!
I love you for who you are!

Passion vs Reason.. Part 2

2008-03-22T15:25:00.002+05:30

I have always been a believer in choosing passion over reason. If only for those few moments of extreme happiness.

But today I saw these three movies over the flight, which made me realise one thing. Passion can destroy you. Passion can spoil your life beyond repair.

Movie 1: Unfaithful. Diane Lane has an absolutely passionate extra-marital affair.
Movie 2: Mandira Bedi again has an extra-marital affair with her lover.
Movie 3: Amrita Singh, mother of a girl about to be married, spends a passionate night in the fields with her lover.
Some villagers happen to see her the next day and mistake her for the daughter.
And the daughters name gets spoiled. Mother is left stunned, unable to say the truth.
Daughter unable to bear the shame and also unable to tell the world that it was not her but her mother kills herself. (Great direction by Megna Gulzar...)

Three lives destroyed by passion.

What if you knew such a woman?
What if you knew your next door neighbor's wife was such a woman?
What would you think about her?

Bitch? Whore?

What would you feel about such a woman?
Anger? Hatred? Disgust?

I would feel pity. I would feel sad. I would feel an understanding. We all desire love so much. And the way we are made, we cant help but be attracted to that love. It's the very basic instinct. And also a need to feel alive.

So when love comes knocking at your door, what do you do?
When you know this person feels more passion for you than your husband can ever do, what do you do?
What do you do when you know that a few moments with this lover can give you a happiness you haven't known for long?
Even if its wrong...
Who doesn't want to be loved like crazy?
How can a wife, neglected by her husband not give in to this wonderful and passionate lover?

And here, I want to put all blame on the husband. A woman gives you her heart, which is I think the most precious thing in this world. From the million other guys behind her, vying for her, she choose you. Yes you. You above everyone else.

And what do you do with that? You take her for granted. You give your heart to your work, you give importance to your interests.
And you forget that this is the woman, who could have wanted anyone she wanted to, but she choose you instead.

At the same time, often it doesn't mean that the husband doesn't love her. Sometimes we guys don't know how to show our emotion. Sometimes we forget what it means to the woman in our lives to be given something as simple as a lovely rose, out of the blue ,for no reason at all. Or when you surprise her by making her coffee in bed. Or when you take her out on a surprise date!

That was the romantic side of things. Another opportunity for love comes when you make a sacrifice for her. When you so want to watch your football match but you still let her watch her favourite movie. Yes love means putting her before you.

And I am reminded of the story of the Magi by Omar Henry. Christmas is the season for gifts.
But what happens when two lovers, too poor to buy each other a gift, still want to make each other happy?
The girl shaves of her hair to buy him what he wanted.
The guys sells of his watch to buy her what she wanted.
Two people, sacrifice the one thing most important to themselves, for the one they love.

So sacrifice then is another side of love.

So what if you are that husband? You love your wife dearly, but somehow you let your work take more importance.
Busy in your daily life, you forget to care for her. You forget she has needs. She has desires.
She wants to feel special. She wants to feel loved.

And fed up of you she drifts away. She wants to leave.

What do you do then?

If you truly love her, you fight for her. You put in all your heart and soul to win her back.
And it is that fight more than anything that will bring her back to you.
Nothing more great for a woman than seeing her love, love her so much as to fight for her.

Love then means you are ready to fight. You are ready to fight for her love.

But all this love thing seems so complicated. I feel the deepest admiration for people like Abdul Kalam and Mother Teresa, who have never married and may be, may be never loved a woman/man all their lives. But love is not absent from their hearts. Theirs is a love so great that we ordinary mortals can only admire.

I mean how is it to be someone like that? To be so filled with love that you love the entire world?
To be so selfless in love. To feel so much love as to not ask for anything in return?
To sacrifice yourselves for the greater good of the world?

What I want to say to all those women out there, who don't feel as loved by their husbands, give us guys another chance.
We are not so good at showing our emotions. We may not take you out for a candle light dinner everyday. But we do love you deeply. Tell us you how you feel and let us fight for you.

And to all those guys out there, it's wonderful to be loved by a woman. Don't take her for granted.

Simple things really. And they write all those books and manuals about love and relationships!!

And my greatest respect and admiration to all those men and women out there who look passion in the eye and yet resist the wrong. Because what matters is doing what is right. Even if your heart wants to do the wrong thing.I mean, after all anyone can be swayed by passion. But the strong still walk down the right path.

Passion vs Reason...its not such a simple thing after all..sometimes the only way is to follow the path and let destiny unfold.

Ego.

2008-03-16T16:07:00.000+05:30

I love seeing patterns that come across in our daily routine life. Sometimes certain themes, things, names seem to keep crossing our paths. Almost as if Someone is trying to tell us something. Sign? Omens? I don't know...or may be just me being conscious of that thing...

Last weekend,it's been, the Human Ego, in some form or the other that I had been noticing.

The ego of the passenger who couldn't take it that the bus conductor had asked him to show him his ticket. Why do you want me to show my ticket! I had just taken the ticket a while back. What do you think?

The ego of the bus conductor who couldn't take a passenger screaming at him in front of others.

And pointlessly they fought over something so trivial.

The ego of the teacher who couldnt take it when a student walked upto her and told her the truth that she is not teaching well enough. And how she retaliated by always picking on that poor student everytime thereafter.

The ego of the professors who arrogantly proclaim that the viva marks of the students are in their hands and so they better behave!

My own ego when my friends made fun of me.

I was hurt by what they said, harmless fun to them, but something that I felt very bad about.

But now when I think of it, my sense of worth, of who I am, cannot be changed by what someone else says.

Who I am, is defined by what I feel within.

If we feel that way, we will not be at mercy of the world and
our egoes will not be so brittle as to be burst by any Tom,Dick or Harry.

Let me end with another story about ego. Again something that came up last weekend when I was watching Terminal. There's this scene, where Catherine tells Tom Hanks about Napolean. Napoleans ego actually prevented him from dieing. He so believed in his superhuman powers that to kill himself he took six times the dosage for the poison. But his body totally rejected the overdose and he didnt die.

Not sure if this story is true, but...

The poem that started it all....

2008-03-16T14:30:00.004+05:30

Have been reading poems since school. But back then it was because they were part of the syllabus. Never connected with them. Poems were all about identifying a mixture of different figures of speech that were being taught in the grammar classes. Never found the beauty that lay in them.

Today its different. I absolutely love the world of poems. I don't know exactly when all this started, but I think the below poem was the starting point...

This is from the movie, In Her Shoes. Cameron Diaz, who was dyslexic, and had lots of differences with her sister throughout the movie, overcomes her disability, and shows her love for her sister by reading this poem by E.E. Cummings.

Something about the way she read it, and the poem itself, inspired a great interest in me in poetry. How a few words can convey so much emotion, so beautifully.

Now I enjoy being in the world of poems. Am always on the lookout for more poems and once in a while, when I am feeling really inspired, I write one too.

This one's an absolute must see.

And heres the ending lines, which are my favourite,

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart.

I carry your heart (i carry it in my heart).

Some Opposites - Richard Wilbur

2008-03-16T14:14:00.003+05:30

Noticed this poem here http://justamotheroftwo.blogspot.com/2007/01/poem-to-bring-you-joy.html.

Absolutely caught me off guard, not the kind of serious or philosophical poem I have read before, but delightfully imaginative and sweetly musical....but if you look carefully, it is indeed philosophical...

Some Opposites
Richard Wilbur

What is the opposite of riot?
It is lots of people keeping quiet.

The opposite of doughnut? Wait
A minute while I meditate
This isn’t easy. Ah! I’ve found it.
It’s a cookie with a hole around it.

What is the opposite of two?
A lonely me,a lonely you.

The opposite of a cloud could be
A white reflection in the sea
Or a huge blueness in the air
Caused by the cloud’s not being there

The opposite of opposite?
That’s much too difficult.I quit.

And Why Do I Blog?...

2008-03-15T22:37:00.002+05:30

And so besides the fact that I enjoy writing, there's another reason that I like to blog. I don't expect popularity or fame. I am fine with it if not too many people read this place. So in a way, this place is a private place.

You must have heard about the "Message in a bottle" story many times. Typically someone puts in a letter in a bottle and throws it into the sea, hoping that the message will travel far across the sea and reach some unknown shore, where someone might read the message and want to reply back, thus starting off an interesting friendship...

In someways, I like to think of this blog as that message in a bottle...thrown out into the sea of web.

So, Why Do I Write?

2008-03-15T16:44:00.002+05:30

Am not sure if I am a good writer or not, but one of the primary reasons I write, is because I like to think. I like to think of the posibilities out there in the world. I like to think about the reasons that exist in this world. I like to think of what could have happened. And why did it happen in the first place.

Are our lives predestined? Or is it all random. I am always trying to understand myself. Why is it that I like certain things and hate the others. Why do I react in certain ways to certain things.

It's like as if I am my own psychologist. I would have been a psychologist for sure, if not an engineer. Though understanding the human mind is infinitely more complex than understanding computers.

And then there are these books and movies, which set me thinking again. And I can't help but express them. Because till I do that, these thoughts seem to be abstract things floating around in my head. Almost knocking hard, to be let out.

And so I write.

My first inspiration to write came from Paulo Coelho's novel "By the River Piedra I Sat Down And Wept." Towards the end of the novel, when the heroine is sitting by the river crying over her lost love, an old woman asks her to write down her feelings. As you pour your sorrow into words, your sadness will subside.

Well, I too was at that time somewhat in sorrow. And intrigued by this advice, I tried writing about my feelings. And I still remember that day. I started of sad, but by the time I finished writing, I was much better. The sadness had been replaced by peace. I was happy I had expressed my feelings.

Later on ofcourse I realised that I do enjoy writing. But what I derive most value from, is the how good it feels to let my thoughts out. And how, inevitably they are more clearer after having been expressed in words.
By the time I finish, I have new insights and ideas and most importantly I have clarity.

Now I know why one blogger had her blog titled, "Because I do think".

Nowadays I have discovered that I can't sleep at night. I can't sleep till I feel fulfilled. Satisfied that I have done something. Created something. Or learnt something new.

And often it's a bit of writing that I do that kind of calms me down. It's like this immense feeling of restlessness. The day just can't end till I write something new.

I like to believe hardly anybody reads these posts. That what I write is liked by some is more like a bonus. But it does encourage me to keep on going.

When you comment on my posts, your words encourage me. They encourage me to continue writing. They encourage me to become better than before. And for that more than anything, I am grateful. Thanks friends! Thanks for reading and thanks for all the encouragement!

Excited...

2008-03-15T12:59:00.001+05:30

Right now, I am in the eye of a storm of an idea. I am so excited
about this thought that has struck me this saturday morning, that I
cant just wait to share it with my friend.

Damn where are you? Pickup the phone! I just have to get this out to you...

So right now am looking at that phone, walking randomly all over the place. I am feeling something I havent felt in a long time now.

To be so filled with excitement, almost like a child jumping up and
down, waiting desperately for his mother to come home so that he can tell her that he has come first at school!

Oh time so flows by slowly.....these are the times I wish I could be like Henry and time travel...

Trinity

2008-03-14T00:18:00.003+05:30

A hundred stars, all burning bright,
Yet there is one, different from the rest,
Shining away her own special light.

Heart and soul, all together,
like a hero, leading from the front,
led by no one,
but her dreams,
there she goes,
blazing through the woods,
overcoming all clouds,
carving a path, that is her own.

Day and night she burns her oil,
miles to go, before she can sleep,
this is her dream, this is her destiny,
to shine her light where no light has been before.

Stars in her eyes, ambitions so high,
Yet she walks her path with a smile so simple,
can put a baby to peace,
can charm the heart of a devil.

Intellect in her eyes, wisdom of the world,
yet flashes in her eyes, a sensitivity so beautiful.

High on success, yet feet on the ground.
Proud of herself, yet humble to the core.
Grateful and compassionate, but not the one to be cowed.
Strong heart. But a simple soul.

Talks like a woman,
plays like a girl,
laughs like a child,
there's no one like her,
she's one of a kind.

Who's this person? Who's she?
A beautiful mind. An inspiration.
A Dream in motion.
She's Mystery. She's Trinity.

Lost...

2008-03-11T22:06:00.004+05:30

How does it feel when the worst comes true?
Something you always thought happens to others, happens to you?
Something that you had a small intuition that it might happen. But something deep inside you didn't even want to think that it could happen.

Tonite, I am at loss. I don't know what to feel.
Why me? Why again? Just when I had plans...now all those little dreams quashed. You are too late sir, life's moved on while you were making plans.

But am tired. Life goes on. Will go a little slow I guess for
some time now.

But will go on...

Hope tommorow will bring a bright new day...

At the Airport...

2008-03-11T21:39:00.002+05:30

There's something nice about this place where I am seated now as I write this. This is a corner of the Mumbai airport
where more than anything else, at this moment, there's absolute quite, with just the trickle of sound so that
the silence doesn't make you go crazy. And with the seats sparsely populated there is no one to disturb me as I write.
And there's this layer of books on the wall to my right, where theres a bookshop, which seems to add to my inspiration.

Now this is fun. Am supposed to be in office right now, but am sitting here at the airport, cosy in my seat, typing away! Thanks to good old Deccan delaying my flight by just 4 hours.

I feel like the school child who's happy he doesnt have to go to school today because its raining heavily!

Boy, this is so perfect that I just cant stop writing. It's one of those moments when I can literally feel the creative juices flowing.

Ya, but its another thing that I was actually desperate to reach office. But for the time being, while the other passengers are screaming and venting all the frustrations in their life on the poor soft spoken deccan chap, I am here having fun and enjoying this sudden unexpected moments of pleasure.

But I feel sad for that deccan chap, being soft spoken in front of group of angry passengers is like open invitation to come kick my ass!

Damn! I just heard the announcement that the jetlite flight to hyderabad has been hijacked! Am on the edge of my seat at this suddent turn of events. How much more adventurous can things get.

But everything returns back to normal when I hear the announcement again...they just said the jetlite flight to hyderabad and vizag is ready for departure.

So I heard vizag as hijacked! I wonder what if I was a desperate Aaj Tak news reporter! This would have been the breaking news that wasn't.

What does success mean to you?

2008-03-02T00:21:00.004+05:30

Hey, I think most parents got it wrong. Especially in India.
I mean I grew up seeing most parents, including my own,
wanting one thing more than anything else from their children. Topping the school board exams.

I mean, that was like the prime goal. And so were the vacation coaching classes and burning the midnight oil.

But what were they saying to us indirectly? That all that matters is to be at number one. That you have to be one rank above your peers. Only then can you be happy. Only then are you superior to them. It's where you stand relative to your peers, what matters most in life.

And how many of us have grown up believing this and still spend our time trying to reach that number one spot in this competitive world?

The question is, for me to feel good about myself, for me to be happy; do I have to be superior to him/her?

And I think the answer is no. Each one of us is good in someway or the other. Each one of us has his own good qualities. And any real world team needs a combination of all. Just because there is Sachin doesn't mean that you don’t need the Dravids,Yuvrajs and Dhonis!.

And so there is no point in comparing yourself with others. It just has to stop.

But what am I saying here. Since the beginning of time, men have been driven by one desire alone. To be the best at what they do. To be better than the other. To be number one. To be the best actor/actress/painter/programmer/athlete...

And even the Olympic Games salute the spirit of healthy competition. "Without you my competitor, I am nothing." That's true. And beautiful.

But what applies to sports, do we need to apply to our lives?

Being number one, because you enjoy so much what you do that you just can’t help. Now that's different from being wanting to be number one because only that can make you feel worthy. If only that is your source of happiness and self esteem, then it is a pity.

At the end of the day, what would you define as success in this competition? A salary hike? A promotion for all those hours spent slogging away at office? A best employer award?

Or would it be watching your child grow into a fine young man? Coming home to someone you love? Making a difference to the society? To the country?

What then would success be for you?

As for me, after four years working in this industry, I don't want to be better than anybody anymore. I have had my successes and awards. But now I am out of this rat race. Being better than the other no longer motivates me.

Yet I will continue to work hard. I will continue to be better than who I was before. Because this is what I love doing.

But I think, for me success would be, if I can make one unhappy soul happy. If I can do something that will make a difference to the people around me. And it would be doubly wonderful if I can make use of my computing skills to do the same.

PS:
And I wish that everybody wouldn't stress so much on rankings in board exams. I wish parents would encourage their children to equate their sense of self worth to the contribution they make to their world.
And I hope every child’s ambition would be to grow up to be good human beings more than anything else.

Taare Zameen Par... the Best Ending Scene Ever..

2008-03-02T00:02:00.003+05:30

I like to pay special attention to exactly how a movie ends. The last few moments, the ending shot. You must have seen how most movies end with the couple/hero on a bus moving down the road and last shot is that of the back of the bus moving away. And the clichéd riding into the sunset.

But there are some movies which have great endings. And Taare's ending shot is I think one of the best ending shots I have ever seen.

Darsheel has just won the competition and is ready to go back with his parents. But just before he gets into the car, he jumps out and makes a dash for his Guru, Amir.

And as the boy runs forwad, the camera moves back in absolute slow motion and the rocking background music erupts.

And the Amir lifts him high up into the air with his arms stretched wide open, as if he’s flying through the air, reaching for the sky.

And the shot freezes at that very instant. Amir holding the outstretched boy in the air.
Makes for an amazingly beautiful moment.

Capturing everything that the director meant to convey. The euphoria. The freedom. The happiness. The gratitude.

10 seconds of absolute genius. The best ending I have ever seen.

Applause!!

Taare Zameen Par...What I Liked Most...

2008-03-01T23:50:00.004+05:30

Finally ended up seeing this movie which everyone had been talking about.
And I am really moved.

Though what I liked most about the movie, was the whole last section where the painting competition happens. You see, it’s easy to tell a story. But it’s very difficult to give it a good ending. And that’s what differentiates a great movie from an ordinary one. The whole competition was very nicely picturized. With the teachers and the students letting their hair down and joining in the fun. It was very uplifting. It brings up the whole movie, which till then was very sad. It brings a cheer to your heart. Fills you with hope.

There are many things that go into a great movie. Good direction, acting, script, cinematography, music etc.. and this movie had everything really good about it. Loved the cinematography, the close up shots, the slow motion shots, the use of special effects, ( my favourite being the train which goes round Darsheel's head in a dream sequence ), the brilliant and moving music.

Some of my other favourite moments were the Solomon Islands dialogue, the entry of Amir Khan as a clown, Darsheel doing a Michael Jackson moonwalk outside the classroom while on punishment, the flipbook, all those school episodes like the leave of absence letters, the incomplete homeworks etc...I enjoyed the school moments more so because they brought back those distant memories of my own school time. Now when I look back, I just smile at how far I have come now.

All in all, an excellent movie. Three cheers to Amir and his crew. And of course Darsheel. Without whom the movie would have been not the same.

Oriah

2008-02-12T23:30:00.001+05:30

Discovered a new author today...infact just moments ago...new for me ofcourse. And I can't help being moved by her writings.

Read her Invitations piece. And I couldnt help thinking that those were the questions that I would want to ask too. And more I read about her, I am finding these small little details that make me feel as if we are similar in some respects...

Her homepage has the words, "Since I was a child, I have written to understand myself and the world....". Just the reason why I like to write too.

And her writing is basically a series of questions, that provoke thought. And I too like to write that way.. a series of questions, that have more meaning in them than any answer can.

Ofcourse I dont think am that good a writer, but I do feel a connection...
The things she writes about, feels and talks about...would be interesting to read more of her works.

But more than anything, I have just found another
source of inspiration...
Something that's going to continue to inspire me to write more...

Thanks Oriah! And thanks Perceptions for pointing me to her!!

Faith

2008-02-12T22:19:00.000+05:30

Love Shyamalan's movies. This one's my favourite from Signs,

People break down into two groups when they experience something lucky.

Group number one sees it as more than luck, more than coincidence. They see it as a sign, evidence, that there is someone up there, watching out for them.

Group number two sees it as just pure luck. Just a happy turn of chance. I'm sure the people in Group number two are looking at those fourteen lights in a very suspicious way. For them, the situation isn't fifty-fifty. Could be bad, could be good. But deep down, they feel that whatever happens, they're on their own. And that fills them with fear.

Yeah, there are those people. But there's a whole lot of people in the Group number one. When they see those fourteen lights, they're looking at a miracle. And deep down, they feel that whatever's going to happen, there will be someone there to help them. And that fills them with hope.

See what you have to ask yourself is what kind of person are you? Are you the kind that sees signs, sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Or, look at the question this way: Is it possible that there are no coincidences?

Is it possible that there are no coincidences? That's something that I often think about...

A million tiny little things...

2008-02-06T20:51:00.000+05:30

Call it fate or coincidence or what, but Sleepless in Seattle was playing this weekend and I could not help but watch it again.

Liked the below quotes a lot,

Doctor Marcia Fieldstone: Tell me what was so special about your wife?

Sam Baldwin: Well, how long is your program? Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were suppose to be together... and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home... only to no home I'd ever known... I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like... magic.

Could he have put it any better? Instead of rambling on and on about the various things he likes about her, he states the plain and simple fact,

...it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up...

I couldn't help agreeing. That's how it is I guess, for all those whom we love. You can't define, that this one thing is the reason you love them. You just love them. And their million little things.

Am I my Right Brain? Or Am I my Left Brain?

2008-01-30T22:22:00.000+05:30

Saw the movie Sleepless in Seattle a few weeks back. Meg Ryan looked too different for me in this movie.Anyways it was a nice movie. Very sentimental. Some touching scenes. Some humour. But there was something missing. Somehow I didn't feel as moved.

And I think it was because this movie lacked intellectual content. Now not to be unfair to the director, but this movie seemed to be meant for the heart alone. And I just wasn't so convinced about the two people destined for each other thing.

And then I happened to see Next Stop Wonderland again. And it hit me; this movie had the same theme about two people destined for each other, who keep walking by each other only to meet at the end of the movie. But this was a movie I immensely enjoyed!

So here's the question. Two movies. Same stories. Same theme. Same ending. Why then is it that I found one kinda ok. And the other too good. Why did I enjoy one so much more over the other?

And I think it has to do with the two halves of my brain :-).

I had been researching the Right Brain/Left Brain theory a while ago. So, left brain is analytical reasoning, logic and maths. And your right brain is intuition, music, art and emotion. Basically people are either of the brains dominated. And some of us are active in both.

So why is this important? And what does all this have to do with me liking a movie? or a book? or even a person?

Well, a person who is active in both, appreciates stimulation of both areas of his brain. And so he is more likely to enjoy a movie that appeals to his intellect as well as his emotion.

He won’t enjoy a book with intellectual content, if it doesn’t move his heart. At the same time he won’t enjoy a book which targets human emotions alone. The perfect book or movie is the one that has a good mix of intellectual and emotional content.

And that why I think I was left unsatisfied after Seattle. Or may be this was just the hangover of Before Sunset. But then, this theory again does explain why I liked that movie so much.

Next Stop Wonderland had a very intelligent heroine. And there was lots of intelligent humour throughout the movie. The movie seemed closer to real life.

Women, it seems are naturally right brained. Its a well know fact that women have a better sense of intuition than men. May be they are better at the arts than us men.

It seems to me, most of the women I know are really good at photography. May be they don’t understand the technicalities well, but they seem to have a natural sense of composition and aesthetics.

Photography, poetry and writing are right brain activities. But software development is obviously left brain and I love what I do. And so I think I am active in both areas.

And that does explain, much more than ever before, why I like some things more than the others.

And now I also know for sure (can you ever be sure in love?), whom I will end up falling in love with :-)

I feel more at peace now. To know who you are and understand why you are as you are is a beautiful feeling. Explains a lot of things.

The Music in Our Lives

2008-01-28T21:41:00.000+05:30

So I am feeling a bit low. And suddenly my ipod plays me this Kabul Express song, “Keh Raha Mera Dil To”. And I can’t help feel better. By the end of the song, I know it’s a minor miracle. I am out of my bad mood. It’s as if the music has uplifted me. And I take out my laptop to write this piece down, as the music continues.

Of all the things in the world, the sound of music must be the sweetest thing in the world. Of all the things in the world, I cannot imagine a life without music. It’s amazing how it can just transport you elsewhere. Lift your spirits on a gloomy day. Soothe an aching heart. Inspire thoughts of love. Make time fly away.

There’s this awe inspiring scene in Shawshank Redemption where Andy plays the Italian Opera on the prison loudspeaker, sending the entire prison into a stunned silence. The prisoners had forgotten the magic in the music, but Andy hadn’t. For him it represented hope, it was in his heart and soul, the one thing that they could not take away from him. This is one of my favourite scenes from this very inspiring movie.

Red: "I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it can't be expressed in words, and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free."

One of the first things that I do when I visit my home in Mumbai over the weekend, is to turn on my Sony DVD system and play Guru’s 'Ay Hayrathe'. I don’t know why but I just love listening to this song when I am at home. The soft sonorous sounds fill in the air. Like a bubble rising slowly. And as the sound permeates through the air around me, my body seems to absorb the waves of soothing music and I feel great peace. The funny thing is, I don’t enjoy this song elsewhere as much as I enjoy it at home. Maybe it’s the joy of returning home after a long time.

The beautiful thing about music is how there's a song for every occasion. I mean I love waking up to rock in the morning. A dose of nice soft music eases me into sleep at night. A of course there's some nice foot tapping music on boring afternoons at work.

True, music can make you laugh. Make you cry. Make you dance. Make you dream. Even overcome pain!

Haven't you ever had one of those times when you have this splitting headache, and you put on your headphones and soon you are so immersed in the music that you forget about your headache?

Can you even imagine a world without music?

I am really grateful to all those wonderful musicians out there, big and small, who through their music have given us some beautiful moments to enjoy. Long after you are gone, your music lives on. And thanks to you, I am never lonely when I am with my music.

And so it's a silent Sunday night. 12:45 am. And as I end this piece, as if my reading my mind, the Ipod has started playing “Ay, Hayrathe….". And here I go lose myself again....

The Life Partner?

2008-01-23T23:40:00.000+05:30

Going by the number of blog posts I have been reading since the last few weeks, this seems to be a topic on the minds of a lot of us out there.

The Life Partner. The one with whom I will spend the rest of my life? Just the very thought is scary. What if I get it wrong? What if I end up marrying the wrong person? A lifetime of grief and frustration?

And how do I find the right person? Where do I even search? And how will I know when I do find her? So many questions!!

Arranged Marriage? Love Marriage? Arranged cum Love Marriage? What the heck!

I want to think, why take the trouble at all? Why marry at all?
Why can't I just be on my own all my life?

These were the questions that I often used to ask myself. And I think I am gradually finding the answers. And I find myself slowly gaining a kind of peace as I understand these answers.

You see, one of the biggest of my concerns was always making a mistake and choosing the wrong person. I mean, the world tells us that there is someone made for us waiting for us somewhere. But what if that someone, if she did exist, was somewhere out there, say in the jungles of Africa? :-)

Or in Alaska? Or in New York? Paris? I mean how you can ever be sure that someone is the one made for you till you have met every other girl out there in the world! How can you ever be sure that there is no one else out there who's not a better match for you than the one you are with now?

So if this doesn't make sense, what we are really coming down to is someone within our circle with whom we have a logical chance of having a relationship. But which then means it’s a choice. It's a choice whom we decide to love. Whom we decide to marry.

I am not saying we can choose or decide to fall in love with someone. But we can and do always choose to continue to love or not.
There is always an element of choice.

Next for me is the aversion to arranged marriage that I had for a long time. How can you marry someone whom you hardly know?

But fact is, I have seen them succeed. I see my friends happily entering into arranged marriages. And I now realize, there's a basic reason that they do succeed.

You see, first of all, it's an exercise of choice by both the parties.

To understand the second, let's take the example of a couple who fall in love. It may take no time to fall in love, but it usually takes time to be really in love with someone. And it happens only after a considerable period of togetherness, when two people grow with each other and learn more about each other.

Of course two people would want to spend considerable time only if they like each other in the first place. But then the truth about liking somebody is, we are generally inclined towards liking people.

I mean if two people, with good hearts and clean intentions, and a basic level of compatibility, meet, they are more than likely to end up liking each other unless there's a turn off from either side. I mean, why would I not like someone who I know is a nice person?

And if two people who like each other spend time with each other, more often than not, they are going to end up falling in love. It's almost an inevitable law of nature!

Well, maybe not always. But what I am driving at is, this is exactly the same situation a couple who has had an arranged marriage is in. They know they like each other. There is a bit of chemistry and they seem to be compatible with each other. And they have chosen to love each other. And even if they do not feel love when they are married, with time, they inevitably will end up in love. It's as simple as that.

So ultimately, what I realize is, love is not always the instinctual love at first sight or the passionate romance. Often it's simply a decision to love. A decision to face life's battles together. And share the joys and sorrows together.

And when both the partners are committed to that decision, the marriage has every chance of success. That's all you need really.

So all you people out there don't sweat. The love in the movies and novels also does exist. But so is the kind of love that grows on you. The kind where you don’t even realize when it has happened to you.

But ultimately, it all starts from a simple decision.

And I tell myself all this and write down all this and then one question comes straight to me. What about the passion? How in the world can you manufacture passion where there is none? Can you arrange passion? But I do not know the answer to that question yet.
That's the unexplained magic I guess.

I can only hope, that whoever it is, would feel as much passion for me as I for her. Yes, at the end of the day, fact is, love is best experienced, not defined.

And I have now realized that my attempts to understand and explain this wonderful phenomenon is futile.

And so I give up. And hope. For the magic to happen someday.

And I want to end this post with these quotes from the movie, The Village.

"It is amazing what two people love chooses to unite. It follows no rules."

Are We Good? Or Are We Evil?

2008-01-21T22:59:00.000+05:30

To Kill A Mocking Bird.
Separate Lies.

Atticus Finch (To Kill A Mocking Bird): "If you just learn a single trick, Scout, you'll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it."

Two movies I watched last weekend. Two very different movies, different stories. At first glance, nothing in common. But they both raise an interesting question. Are we basically good or evil?

There’s a beautiful simplicity in the Atticus quote. If you can somehow put yourself in someone’s shoes, you will definitely end up understanding him. You will then realise why is it that he does certain things his way.

And this set me thinking. What is it that makes a person commit evil?

Can you do evil? Not at all??!

What if you sincerely think that what you are doing is the right thing, but is in fact causing harm to people?

What if your ego, anger, prejudices and bias has made you blind to their suffering?

What if you have lost the ability to empathize?

What if you cannot put yourself in the shoes of the other and see life from their point of view.

What if you think you are smarter than your conscience?

What if you just don't care? What if simply you walk by someone in need?

What if you simply keep quiet?

Mother in laws harassing their daughter in laws.
Daughter in laws harassing their mother in laws.
The same mother in law whose own daughter is the apple of her eye.
The same daughter who would do anything for her own mother.

Are they then good or evil?

Parents ill treating their children.
Children abandoning their parents when they are old.
The same parents and children who may be excellent husbands, wives, friends. But unable to see their own kin in the same light.

Are they then good or evil?

Though I want to believe that someone who has been truly touched by love cannot do evil to his fellow beings.
But people fall in love all the time. Hitler was in love. That didn't stop him. But then maybe his love was selfish.

2000 years ago, a Great Someone knew that Love is the answer. "Love thy neighbour. Love thy enemy.", He said.

But then how many of us can do that? How many of us even understand what that means?

Another question the Mocking Bird raises is how do you protect the ones you love from evil? You can't be with them every time.
And what will happen when they inevitably have their brush with evil? Will it destroy them? Will they lose all hope in mankind?

And I think it’s the answer to this question that's Mocking Bird's ultimate moral lesson. And one of the reasons for its popularity.

No one is absolutely good or evil. Most people have both good and bad qualities. The important thing is to appreciate the good qualities and understand the bad qualities by treating others with sympathy and trying to see life from their perspective.

If we can remember this lesson from the Mocking Bird, it may be possible to live with conscience without losing hope or becoming cynical, when confronted with the evil in the world.

Another lesson the movie teaches, something that I have myself learned in life, is that all that evil needs after all, is the silence of the good. For good to turn a blind eye and do nothing at all. And I myself am guilty of this.

On a closing note, I have to say I instantly fell in love with the character of Scout. She's the most intelligent 9 yr old I have ever seen portrayed on screen. And she simply stood out from other kids of her age. One very special kid. Someone you know would grow up to be a strong young woman. And then you realise, of course, she has been raised by one very special parent. Atticus.

I just can't wait to get my hands on the book now.

Humbled...

2008-01-11T00:50:00.001+05:30

Humbled..., originally uploaded by Aroj.

Who won?
Me, I thought.
But such a fool I am,
It is you who has won,
Look how small I am,
Look how small I feel.
I am humbled,
by you.

This was taken from top of the cliffs at Kudremukh, near Mangalore.

Love the clouds huge floating above and how the guy ends up looking so small compared to the nature around him.

As if man so proudly thinks that he is now the master of the universe, but nature, as it often does, proves him wrong again.

Twins

2008-01-11T00:44:00.001+05:30

Twins, originally uploaded by Aroj.

What if I was born this Rock?
What it is to be in his shoes?
What it is to live his life?

What it is to weather the storms?
What it is to face the lightning?
And yet keep the silence?

Bright & Colourful Saturday Afternoon in the City of Gardens

2008-01-11T00:35:00.001+05:30

Bright & Colourful Saturday Afternoon in the City of Gardens, originally uploaded by Aroj.

This is Lalbaugh, Bangalore.

Fresh!

2008-01-11T00:27:00.001+05:30

Fresh!, originally uploaded by Aroj.

You see just another waterfall,
But I see Fresh.
I see Passion and Energy.
I see Purity and Innocence.

I see a Bride rushing to her groom.
I see a Destiny fulfilled.

What do you see?

Scenic..

2008-01-11T00:25:00.001+05:30

Scenic, originally uploaded by Aroj.

Love the mist,
and the mountains,
and clear blue sky.

Heaven lays on Earth itself.

Grass's Eye View

2008-01-11T00:22:00.001+05:30

Grass's Eye View, originally uploaded by Aroj.

One of those shots where something I tried worked out well.

So Nilesh had gone off to the top of this rock to take our pictures.
And I decided to snap him with the camera placed just inches off the ground, with a view through the grass and the rocks and him by the top right corner.

A Walk In The Clouds

2008-01-11T00:16:00.001+05:30

A Walk In The Clouds, originally uploaded by Aroj.

All that trekking up those rocks,
this makes it worth it!!

Mountain Grass

2008-01-10T23:50:00.001+05:30

Mountain Grass, originally uploaded by Aroj.

This is my life.
This is where I was born.
This is where I will grow.
This is where I live.

..on the slopes of a mountain.

You who come from far,
to enjoy these views,
must surely envy me,
For I enjoy this beauty,
night and day.

Like A Flowing River...

2008-01-10T23:39:00.001+05:30

River Banks..., originally uploaded by Aroj.

The Joy Of Debugging

2008-01-06T22:02:00.000+05:30

It teases me. Challenges me.
Bet you can't find me.
Bet you can't get rid of me.
Not the one to let go, I take up the challenge.

And where do I find him,
where do I start,
him hiding behind a million lines of code,
cocking a sneer at me.

And I trust my instinct, bit by bit,
as each clue leads to another,
one small victory at a time,
bringing me closer to his hideout.

And the adrenaline rises as I reach near.
Sometimes it’s so near yet so far.
But never do I feel like giving up.
Can’t go home. Can’t relax, until I hunt down this rat.

And finally I lay a trap for him.
And finally I outwit him.
Finally I catch him, and put him behind the bars.

And what a joy it is.
What was impossible a moment ago,is now achieved.
What was a mystery a moment ago, is now out in the light.

And I smile a quiet satisfaction at him.
Got you boy, how long did you think you could have hid.

Have enjoyed the art of debugging since my childhood. Back then it was guessing who was the killer in the mystery novels. Loved the deductive reasoning style of solving crimes made famous by Sherlock Holmes’s. One of my favourite quotes from the series,

"When you have eliminated all the impossibilities, whatever left however improbable, is nothing but the truth"

Though sometimes I simply love to trust my instinct and guess the
approach to take instead of logically putting together the bits and pieces. But nothing beats a good round of analytical inference to solve a mystery.

Though often my style is a mix of both with the instincts helping me to take a shortcut and solve the problem faster.

But ultimately the joy is in the duel.
It’s me against him.One on one.
Only one can win.
But both are determined.
And both love the fight.

But I always win in the end :-).

Oh what joy it is to win!
The harder the battle, sweeter the victory!!

Romance : Before Sunrise, Before Sunset

2007-12-29T16:37:00.000+05:30

“Before Sunrise”, and “Before Sunset”. Two fantastic movies. With the sequel even better than the original. Just the kind of movie that I needed to see.

And that too on my birthday. A perfect treat on my birthday. And it ended up teaching me a very important lesson. Something had been missing in my life since some time. Something which was making my life kinda drag.

And that was the Romance.

As any true romantic would tell you, romance need not be limited to love alone. Though love is what inspires the greatest of romances.

Simply walking in the rain, as the drops hit you pitter patter, feeling the chill in the air, and smiling to yourself as you wonder aloud at the beauty in that moment.

The wide open starry sky on a cloudless moonless silent night. What a sight it is to behold. The kind of night where you just wanna gaze right into those little blue dots. And you cant help wondering, that it is God who is the greatest of all artists.

That’s kind of romance that had gone out of my life. There is so much beauty in this world. Yet we let our lives fall into such a routine. How often we fail to notice that which is beautiful.

If only we would pause and look around to see and feel the kind of things ... the kind of things that make us feel like children all over again.

And so the movie, it’s beautifully romantic. How they keep talking so freely and passionately. A talk filled with intellect and humour. It seems that most of the shots were long takes, so as to make them look more natural. And the cinematography, specially in “Before Sunset”, was absolutely beautiful. The most memorable being the boat ride over the river in Paris. Boy it just took my breath away.

I guess I am a bit of a romantic at heart. And I believe there is Magic and Mystery in this world.

And I pray to God that I never ever lose the ability to look at the world with romance tinted eyes.

Unfortunately sometimes it feels like living in a foolish world. Romantics often lose themselves so much in their own world that they forget the practicalities of the world. I mean walking in the rain maybe romantic, but also very likely to bring you down with cold!

So then the question is should i not walk in the rain. Should i choose practicality over romance.

Nah. I dont think I am made that way. I think i will just get wet.

PS:

And I really feel happy when I see someone like me out there. Someone who can see and feel the magic in the things that seem ordinary to others. Someone who is a poet at heart.

Read the blog of such a person today. Was swept away into that world. Thats the beauty of good writing. The kind that makes you feel as if you are right there experiencing the moment as the writer.

Bowled Over By a Beauty!

2007-12-27T21:56:00.000+05:30

Amazing. That twinkle in her eyes.
The way she looked.
Her hair,
wet, long, flowing behind.
Her dress,
a cute little blue.
Her smile,
a surprised sweet.

Amazing. How you are in darkness one moment.
And the very next moment, without any warning,
a bright spot of sunlight busts upon you.
And you can't just help, but being blown away.

Why is it, that in those few moments,
You feel more alive than you ever had been.
Like a shower of happiness burst upon you.

Amazing!

Books, My Best Friends...

2007-12-27T21:50:00.000+05:30

Questions. I am often asking questions to myself.

Questions that bother me and torment me till I find an answer. The kind of questions that may not have an easy answer. And I often do not hope to find the answer.

But amazingly,everytime I do end up getting the answer. And it’s a beautiful feeling when that happens. That moment of enlightenment, when what was foggy suddenly becomes crystal clear.

So everytime I set out in search, I find what I set out for. And the answer doesn’t come from somebody wise or elder. The answer doesnt come from somebody a friend.

I find the answers to the questions in my mind in, … the books that I read. And I almost always chance upon them when I least expect to. Flipping though a random book and suddenly I am staring at the answer to my Question. Right there on those pages. Random pages from a random book.

And it seems to work everytime! So heres what I do whenever something nags me. I pickup a book from my shelf, and turn to a random page and start reading through.

And I invariably find words of wisdom. Words of comfort. That help me and soothe me. And give me courage. As if they know whats going on in my life. And they are trying to help me. Just like a friend would do.

It’s like in this movie, “Next Stop Wonderland”, where the heroine has this book gifted to her by her dad and she often picks a page at random and just picks a random word on that page. And that word almost always symbolises whats going to happen next in her life!

And I feel blessed. Lucky. That my advisor, my pal to turn to in doubt, are these books, written by the great authors.

May be each one of us has someone elder, or a close friend, to whom we turn to in distress. But for me, I find my comfort and solace in these books.

But i then ask myself, what is this miracle? How can these books be my guide? How can they know what I am searching for.

And I realise may be this is the way You speak to me. And this is the most wonderful. Nothing more beautiful. Nothing at all.

How Does It Feel - Part 2!

2007-06-28T17:50:00.000+05:30

How does it feel to here in ThoughtWorks?!

Hardly a week later, I realise, "Happy" is a terrible understatement!

I feel like on Top of The World!

Yesterday I had the privilege to listen to Roy our chairmain/founder talk. Boy it was the most inspiring speech I had ever heard. His speech answered all the queries I had about this place. He's an amazing personality. And someone with a great sense of humour!

Now I know the secret behind this place.... Roy!

How does it feel?

2007-06-21T15:58:00.000+05:30

So how do I feel to be here in ThoughtWorks?

Happy.

Coincidence?!

2007-06-18T19:36:00.000+05:30

Coincidence?!

Do you believe in coincidences? I do not. For what often seems like a random coincidence is something that was meant to happen. But understanding why and how is beyond us. Ours is to merely appreciate.

What do you have to say about the below? Mere coincidence? Or does it mean something more?

Well, one fine day I am writing a blog entry and am thinking of a title and suddenly the title flashes into my head, “Thoughts@Work”. Hmm, have I heard this name before? No. But why does it seem familiar...I couldn't figure.

The next day am reading a blog, and guess what, the author is an employee of a company called ThoughtWorks.

Ok, cool. It seems there does exist a company named ThoughtWorks somewhere. But not in India I guess. Never heard of it.

The day after am reading Joel’s India job listings and what do I see there?

ThoughtWorks India is hiring! I couldnt believe it. ThoughtWorks has an India office. That too in Pune! And they are hiring!

My seeing this ad just when I was looking for a new job, coinicidence?

Or Someone trying to show me the path!

And the biggest coincidence of them all? That all this happened during Easter time.

Well, you see, Easter symbolises the end of the old way and the start of a new life.

Just what I was about to do too.

Moments that Changed My Life!

2007-06-18T17:32:00.000+05:30

There are those moments when something that we have read or experienced leaves us feeling very inspired. Many a time it has been a movie or a book that has left me with that feeling.

Why this post? Well, I had a series of inspirational moments over a short span of just 10 days, which is what actually made me look for a new job. It was as if the entire the universe was inspiring me and encouraging me to take the take the decision to follow my heart.

Here I recount those moments,

1. Reading Milan Gupta, BT Code Red Chief's blog,

"Currently work for a large telecom company as the technical fixer for the CIO. Have been a CIO myself, been there done that with the lots of people reporting to me thingy. Realized that at the core, I am a technical guy and have more fun being hands-on so .. current job, which allows me to deal with the thorniest technical issues and no administrative burdens or barriers, suits me just fine :-)"

He leads the team assigned to fix the technical issues plaguing any IT project in BT. These lines really struck a chord in me. This was exactly what I had began to feel too and what I wanted to do, hands-on technical work rather than management.

2. Reading Steve Jobs talk about his near death experience after being diagnosed with cancer,

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

This made me think.What if I were to die tomorrow?. No. I am yet do anything in life. And that set me thinking again on what I was doing with my life.

Is this the way I want to live? Far away from the things that I loved doing. Far away from the things that I gave me most joy.Far away from the things that I knew I was good at.

Reading these words made me realise that life can end anytime. And I did not want to have any regrets later when the inevitable would arrive.

3. Chancing upon an amazing book while being bed-ridden. The Fountainhead.

"I have let's say, sixty years to live.
Most of that time will be spent working.
I have chosen the work I want to do.If I find no joy in it, then
I am condemning myself to 60 yrs of torture.
And I can find the joy only if I do my work in the best way possible to me.
"

I could really identify with protagonist in the book and Ayn Rand's philosophy.

4. "Dead Poet's Society"
"Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary."

Some movies transform. Leaving you changed. This was one such movie that left me feeling very inspired.

"Dead Poets' Society is an Academy Award winning 1989 film, directed by Peter Weir.
Set in 1959, it tells the story of an English teacher,John Keating, at a highly conservative and autocratic boys' school who inspires his students to make changes to their lives of conformity through his teaching of poetry and literature.

I could really identify with Robin William’s strikingly different way of teaching poetry to his students. That’s the way I like to approach my work.

Another memorable scene is where John Keating stands on the table in front of his class and encourages his students to do the same, an encouragement to look at the world in a different way.

5. The movie ‘Guru’.

Guru was ofcourse another inspirational movie about one man who knew he had it in him to become big. And he set out to do it, succeeding against all odds.

One of my favourite quotes from the movie, “If I am really that good as you say, why should I work for you. I want to work for myself.”

6. Joel.

"OK, it's live! I've put up a new version of the job board specifically for jobs in India, jobs.joelonsoftware.co.in.
To help fill it up, posting a job is only $50—about 2200 rupees.
Unlike the huge boards, Monsterindia, Naukri.com, etc., a job posted to Joel on Software will get far fewer resumes, but they will be of much higher quality, and as usual, we'll return your money if you're not completely satisfied.
Not loving your job? Visit the Joel on Software Job Board: Great software jobs, great people."

Joel's announcement of a India job board had me excited already. And then I saw this listing of a company called ThoughtWorks. I decide to apply, thinking that this may be the place where I can do what I want to do.

And I do get through within a week!

Leaving one's comfort zone is not easy.
These events helped me overcome all my mental obstacles and take that leap of faith.

I now realise that all we need to do is, to listen. To listen to the words around us. The Signs. The Omens.

These are put on our path by God. To inspire us to take the decisions that will lead us to our destiny.

"And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."
- The Alchemist.

Last Day..Leaving Infy

2007-06-15T15:53:00.000+05:30

Last Day.

This is how I felt on my last day at Infy.

I can’t believe it. Today has been the day I had been waiting for since one and half month. I am now a free man. I have finally being relieved of my job. I should be so happy. But still....why am I not feeling happy.

My brain tells me, hey you should be celebrating. But I am just unable to do so. I am actually feeling sad. Almost numb. Suddenly the feeling, the significance of what I have done is dawning on me.

This was my place. My building. The food courts, the CCD, the open spaces. I no longer have any right over them.

This was my team. I no longer am with them.

That was my badge, a companion for the last 4 years, an eyewitness to all that I had done. I cannot explain what I felt giving it back. Almost like returning a part of me.

I have been so used to all the things that I did here, day in day out. Now no more. Everything will soon be a memory.

It’s going to take me sometime to recover. I still can’t believe that I am no longer in Infy! That I am no longer in FastService, my team.

I guess I am going to really miss the people I have been used to seeing daily. I am going to really miss this place. Knowing very well that I will never be returning back to this place.

Bye Bye Infy. I had the time of my life here. Too many beautiful memories. Thank You!

"Sad to say, I am on my way,
Won't be back for many a day,
My heart is down, My head is turning around,
I have to leave my little girl,
in Kingston Town."

The Victim Mentality

2007-05-29T20:47:00.000+05:30

How many of us suffer from the what I would like to call the 'Victim Mentality'.

My boss doesn't give me work, so I am being wasted. Nobody notices me here. The salary is not good.

We often like to thing that the world has wronged us. It has not been fair to us.
That it does not notice our suffering. That it does not sympathise with us.
And so we suffer. Thinking someone will notice. Someone will give me work.
Someone will notice me. Someone will appreciate me.

But no. Noone does anything. And so you think you are being wronged.
Why am I working so hard? Noone even appreciates me. My work doesnt even matter.

I see this everywhere. We crib and cry over everything.

They dont pay me well you crib. Who has asked you to stay? Don't you know you are free to go?

My boss doesn't give me work. He doesn't notice me. Don't you know that its in your hands to make him notice you? It's in your hands to present yourself in front of him. It's in your hands to take hold of opportunities that come your way.

Still he doesn't notice? Leave. But what if you face the same problem in a new place?
It's still in your hands, isnt'it?

My boss doesnt notice me working hard. Well, you are not the only person working under him. And he's got his own tasks to do.So if he doesn't notice you, he may be to blame partly. But who has stopped you from bringing yourself to his notice?

But we still like to crib. This world is a terrible place. It doesn't care for me.

Sorry. No one in this world has the time to worry about your problems.
Because the world is too busy worrying about its own.

Only the wearer knows just how much it pinches and where. No one else can realise that.

So what you have to do is shout and not suffer silently. And not bottle up things.

Because when you suppress yourself, things wont stay suppressed for long.But will one day burst out in an ugly way.

And when the shoe pinches noone's going to realize and tell you what to do. You have to take action yourself.

The world is neither good nor bad. It is simply what you make of it.

So if you are being oppressed, rebel. If you are being wronged against, fight.

But what do we like to do? Sit and crib. We like to blame 'them' for all our troubles. And we ourselves firmly believe that we can do nothing at all, but suffer.

Why? Because there's a certain glory to suffering. Because we crave sympathy from our friends. Because it's lot easier than taking action.

Yes, when the shoe hurts, We don't change the shoe. We simply crib that it hurts!!
Because we like being the 'Victim'. The victim of fate. The victim of this bad world.

Yes,we are a nation of cribbers. Mahatma Gandhi would have been proud.

Do Dreams Come True?

2007-05-21T20:18:00.000+05:30

It's not possible. Dreams can't come true.
How can it be possible?

I mean how does it feel, to think of something,
to dream of something, and to wake up and
find exactly what you had been dreaming of.

How does it feel to know that the more you come
to know about that thing,the more it's what you had dreamt of!

How does if feel to know you have found exactly what you were searching for?

I here, talk about my new job. I haven't started working at this place,
but everything I hear and read about it,is so good.

Almost too good to be true.

I mean ThoughtWorks has so much good publicity on the net.
You will find so many blogs praising ThoughtWorks to hell.
"My life has changed after joining... this is the place to be... free lunches, internet....coolest technology...talented people.." etc...so many sugary words!

As if this is like heaven on earth?

And what effect is all this hype and praise having on me? Can any company live upto so much hype?

And this is what has now taken away my peace.
I just cant wait to see for myself if this really is the place that i dreamt of?
Of what everyone claims to be?

Or is it an illusion? Just a dream.

I guess I will have to wait sometime and see for myself before
I get the answer to that!

I have broken free...!!

2007-05-20T19:46:00.000+05:30

Phew! It's finally official.

Yes, I have quit. May 31 is my last day here.

And am joining ThoughtWorks,Pune on June 4. And I just can't wait for the time to pass by.

And am singing Queen's "I want to break free..." as I am typing this.

Why? Well that's a very interesting story, am saving it up for another post!

It's a decision that has shocked many. But those of you who have been reading my previous posts, might have already guessed what was coming.

Yes! It's time for a change!!

For the curious, heres something about my new company!

Fountainhead

2007-05-06T21:57:00.000+05:30

The Fountainhead is the most fascinating and inspiring book I have ever read.
Still reading it, enjoying it.

One of my favourite quotes from the book, mouthed by Roark, the protagonist to the Dean of the college,

I have let's say, sixty years to live.
Most of that time will be spent working.
I have chosen the work I want to do.
If I find no joy in it, then I am condemning myself to 60 yrs of torture.
And I can find the joy only if I do my work in the best way possible to me.

Following your Heart

2007-05-06T21:49:00.000+05:30

Well, there's lot of literature out there on following your heart.

Everybody wants you to listen to your heart.

Below is one of the best quotes I found on the net, about following one's heart,

The tough thing about following your heart is what people forget to mention,
that sometimes your heart takes you to places you shouldn’t be,
places that are as scary as they are exciting and
as dangerous as they are alluring,
and sometimes your heart takes you to places
that can never lead to a happy ending…
And that’s not even the difficult part.
The difficult part is when you follow your heart,
you leave normal, you go into the unknown…
And once you do, you can never go back.

It's time for a change...!

2007-05-06T21:42:00.000+05:30

I am only 25. And am already a manager. And I have a team of bright 23-24 yr olds reporting to me.

But there’s so much I don’t know. So much I want to learn.

It’s time for a change. I want to learn new things.
I want to be good at making software. The time to manage will come.

I want to be a part of a great team, work on making software that will make a difference to people out there.

I want to be with the best out there. I want to be with people like me.
People who are passionate about technology. People who really want to make a difference.

And I can’t find anyone like me here. The people are good and intelligent.
Smart and excellent managers. And they are happy.

But I am not. I don’t want to waste the best years of my life this way.

I have to leave normal.

Goodbye...

The Cradle

2007-05-06T21:29:00.000+05:30

Lying in a cradle being gently rocked.

That is how I felt taking a ferry ride to the Janjira fort along with my teammates.

Gentle Gentle Up and Down,
Rocking me to the Peace I so need,
She takes me along,
It's ok, Let it be, she say's,
The sea so vast, Makes me feel my pain so small,
Like my tears are mere drops to the sea.

The world around me is excited and chatty,
Leaving behind all their sorrow, all their pain,
For once, each one is happy and chirpy.
Amidst them, I am in my own retreat,
Amidst the noise, I have found quiet.

It's ok, Let it be,
I am so small, and you are so vast,
You give me peace, you inspire me,
I am one with you,
I am one with the sea.

Crazy

2007-05-06T20:51:00.000+05:30

So what do I do over a weekend?

I write code. Surf blogs. Spend time on my laptop.

You may think I am crazy to be spending the weekend with my laptop! And most people do think so!

Most people respond, "You mean you work over weekends?!!"

Well, no, I don't do any official piece of work over my weekend.The code I write is my own.

But for a long time I would feel guilty myself. And I would often hesitate to answer that "So, how was the weekend?” question!

But then, if it's fine for a poet to agonize over his poems the whole day,if it's beautiful to see a painter paint the whole day, if an artist can be one with his art the whole day, then why can’t I be with what I love the whole time?

This is what brings me the most joy. Yes, I am different from you.

But I no longer am ashamed of that.

Passion vs Reason

2007-04-09T18:47:00.000+05:30

What do you choose? Between passion and reason.

Why I ask this question? Let me explain.

Saturday morning.

I have an argument with my dad. Regarding the new stereo system that we were planning to buy. Well, my dad really loves his music and wanted to buy this really expensive hi-fi 5.1 channel DVD system.

And me, who's used to ending up at the nearest multiplex at the drop of a hat, was like who will ever watch a DVD/movie at home?!

So I argued that we should instead go for a nice stereo system that will be cheaper and drop the plans for an expensive DVD system.

I stopped arguing when I saw a little hurt in his eyes. So I finally agreed, but was not convinced at this 'waste of money' as I saw it.

Sunday afternoon.

The brand new sleek and sexy box arrives at our home. And am blown away just by the looks! And then we play a DVD movie. It's a song I have heard many times before.

And I am totally blown off by the sound I hear. Crystal clear and distortion free. Loud but no noise.

I couldn’t help wondering this was a song that I had heard so many times before and yet here I was hearing sounds that I had never heard before! It was an exhilarating experience!

Today one of the reasons I rush home every weekend is just to lie down in front of my music system and hear my favourite songs. I can even play the mp3 collection on my laptop through this!

It's amazing the kind of joy this has brought me. And I am thankful to dad for not giving in to my reasoning.

So that's it. What your passion says may not always seem logical, but the amount of happiness that it can bring to you, is unimaginable.

Never again will I let my passion be subdued by reason.

Because what I may gain, is a hell lot more than what I may lose.

So follow your passion, wherever it may take you.

There’s no other secret to happiness.

Discovering Oneself

2007-04-08T11:13:00.000+05:30

24 years of my life, I never felt like taking pictures. Never thought I had anything special in me.

Then one picture changed everything.

The reactions to that one picture made me realise that I may have something in me. And much more than anything else, made me realise just how much I enjoy taking pictures.

It’s amazing, how is it that you never knew you could do something and then one day you suddenly realise that you may actually be good at that something?

How does it feel to discover that you may have that spark in you?

Makes me wonder what other things I have in me which I have not even attempted to discover.

And if I never try how will I ever find?

Appraisals

2007-04-08T11:00:00.000+05:30

It's April. Another appraisal season.

It was one such pressure filled season years back,that made me think about the importance of appraisals. And I found myslef asking if appraisals really mattered to me? They do matter as an employee ofcourse, but do they matter to me as an individual?

Why do I do the work I do? What is that makes me do it well? What is that makes me want to stay back in office, work hard, sacrifice my pleasures?

An A in my appraisal? A 1 ranking among my peers? Awards?

Is that all that motivates me?

And I then realised that , No, I don’t crave these. The only thing that matters to me, is my own satisfaction, my own joy, my own thrill, my own sense of achievement.

What if I dont get any awards. What if I get a 3 ranking or a B-?

Would that make me someone less worthwhile?

Would a folded up,crushed 1000 rupee note lose any of its value? Would it lose any of its value if someone calls it anything less?

Would you become less wothwhile just becomes someone thinks so?

What matters to me is the difference I have made to the people with whom I have worked. No awards and no rankings can make up for that.

So another season is coming up soon. And I no longer care what I get. Because I know the work that I have done. And I am happy with it. But not content yet, because there's so much more to do and learn.

At the end of day, the insight that I have gained is that, the fun is in the journey ( doing your work well and learning from it) , and not in the destination. ( Awards! )

Insights!

2007-04-07T16:55:00.000+05:30

Insights! There’s a difference between knowing something and knowing the secret behind something.

Be it Life, Love or Technology.

Secrets which are secrets because they are not obvious at first glance and choose to reveal themselves somehow someplace while you are working on the questions to which they are the answers. Or sometimes when you are happily doing something totally different!

And that’s when you gain the insight! And your mind becomes somewhat enlightened. And from then on you see things in a different light.

I find great delight in such little insights that I get from time to time, mostly when I am least expecting it.

Like the time when I was working on a really tricky problem, debugging late into the night and decided to give up for the day and go home. The moment I reached my place, the solution struck me like lightening! And I couldn’t wait to reach office the next day and try out my solution. It’s a really painful feeling to know that you have the keys to the treasure but you can’t open it till morning!

And next day early morning I walked into my office mumbling to myself the way to solve the problem, to the amazement of my colleagues. And boy did it work….

Or Like the other time I remember when we had been given a tough problem by our Physics Prof., which no one could solve. And the solution suddenly came to me while, of all the things, I was taking bath!

I know how Archimedes must have felt when he found the solution to the King’s problem by discovering density while laying in his bath tub. Legend says that he was so elated with his discovery that he actually ran out naked shouting “Eureka! Eureka! I have found it!!”

Nah, I didn’t dare do the same at that time. That was Greece, 200 B.C. This was India, 2000 A.D.

Jokes apart, this blog really is to share with you many such insights, some delightful, some enlightening and some plain funny. On Life as well as Technology.

And I hope you will feel the same sense of wonder and agreement I had when these insights struck me.