What does success mean to you?

Hey, I think most parents got it wrong. Especially in India.
I mean I grew up seeing most parents, including my own,
wanting one thing more than anything else from their children. Topping the school board exams.

I mean, that was like the prime goal. And so were the vacation coaching classes and burning the midnight oil.

But what were they saying to us indirectly? That all that matters is to be at number one. That you have to be one rank above your peers. Only then can you be happy. Only then are you superior to them. It's where you stand relative to your peers, what matters most in life.

And how many of us have grown up believing this and still spend our time trying to reach that number one spot in this competitive world?

The question is, for me to feel good about myself, for me to be happy; do I have to be superior to him/her?

And I think the answer is no. Each one of us is good in someway or the other. Each one of us has his own good qualities. And any real world team needs a combination of all. Just because there is Sachin doesn't mean that you don’t need the Dravids,Yuvrajs and Dhonis!.

And so there is no point in comparing yourself with others. It just has to stop.

But what am I saying here. Since the beginning of time, men have been driven by one desire alone. To be the best at what they do. To be better than the other. To be number one. To be the best actor/actress/painter/programmer/athlete...

And even the Olympic Games salute the spirit of healthy competition. "Without you my competitor, I am nothing." That's true. And beautiful.

But what applies to sports, do we need to apply to our lives?

Being number one, because you enjoy so much what you do that you just can’t help. Now that's different from being wanting to be number one because only that can make you feel worthy. If only that is your source of happiness and self esteem, then it is a pity.

At the end of the day, what would you define as success in this competition? A salary hike? A promotion for all those hours spent slogging away at office? A best employer award?

Or would it be watching your child grow into a fine young man? Coming home to someone you love? Making a difference to the society? To the country?

What then would success be for you?

As for me, after four years working in this industry, I don't want to be better than anybody anymore. I have had my successes and awards. But now I am out of this rat race. Being better than the other no longer motivates me.

Yet I will continue to work hard. I will continue to be better than who I was before. Because this is what I love doing.

But I think, for me success would be, if I can make one unhappy soul happy. If I can do something that will make a difference to the people around me. And it would be doubly wonderful if I can make use of my computing skills to do the same.

PS:
And I wish that everybody wouldn't stress so much on rankings in board exams. I wish parents would encourage their children to equate their sense of self worth to the contribution they make to their world.
And I hope every child’s ambition would be to grow up to be good human beings more than anything else.

Oriah

Discovered a new author today...infact just moments ago...new for me ofcourse.  And I can't help being moved by her writings.

Read her Invitations piece. And I couldnt help thinking that those were the questions that I would want to ask too. And more I read about her, I am finding these small little details that make me feel as if we are similar in some respects...

Her homepage has the words, "Since I was a child, I have written to understand myself and the world....". Just the reason why I like to write too.

And her writing is basically a series of questions, that provoke thought. And I too like to write that way.. a series of questions, that have more meaning in them than any answer can.

Ofcourse I dont think am that good a writer, but I do feel a connection...
The things she writes about, feels and talks about...would be interesting to read more of her works.

But more than anything, I have just found another 
source of inspiration...
Something that's going to continue to inspire me to write more...

Thanks Oriah! And thanks Perceptions for pointing me to her!!

Am I my Right Brain? Or Am I my Left Brain?

Saw the movie Sleepless in Seattle a few weeks back. Meg Ryan looked too different for me in this movie.Anyways it was a nice movie. Very sentimental. Some touching scenes. Some humour. But there was something missing. Somehow I didn't feel as moved.

And I think it was because this movie lacked intellectual content. Now not to be unfair to the director, but this movie seemed to be meant for the heart alone. And I just wasn't so convinced about the two people destined for each other thing.

And then I happened to see Next Stop Wonderland again. And it hit me; this movie had the same theme about two people destined for each other, who keep walking by each other only to meet at the end of the movie. But this was a movie I immensely enjoyed!

So here's the question. Two movies. Same stories. Same theme. Same ending. Why then is it that I found one kinda ok. And the other too good. Why did I enjoy one so much more over the other?

And I think it has to do with the two halves of my brain :-).

I had been researching the Right Brain/Left Brain theory a while ago. So, left brain is analytical reasoning, logic and maths. And your right brain is intuition, music, art and emotion. Basically people are either of the brains dominated. And some of us are active in both.

So why is this important? And what does all this have to do with me liking a movie? or a book? or even a person?

Well, a person who is active in both, appreciates stimulation of both areas of his brain. And so he is more likely to enjoy a movie that appeals to his intellect as well as his emotion.

He won’t enjoy a book with intellectual content, if it doesn’t move his heart. At the same time he won’t enjoy a book which targets human emotions alone. The perfect book or movie is the one that has a good mix of intellectual and emotional content.

And that why I think I was left unsatisfied after Seattle. Or may be this was just the hangover of Before Sunset. But then, this theory again does explain why I liked that movie so much.

Next Stop Wonderland had a very intelligent heroine. And there was lots of intelligent humour throughout the movie. The movie seemed closer to real life.

Women, it seems are naturally right brained. Its a well know fact that women have a better sense of intuition than men. May be they are better at the arts than us men.

It seems to me, most of the women I know are really good at photography. May be they don’t understand the technicalities well, but they seem to have a natural sense of composition and aesthetics.

Photography, poetry and writing are right brain activities. But software development is obviously left brain and I love what I do. And so I think I am  active in both areas.

And that does explain, much more than ever before, why I like some things more than the others.

And now I also know for sure (can you ever be sure in love?), whom I will end up falling in love with :-)

I feel more at peace now. To know who you are and understand why you are as you are is a beautiful feeling. Explains a lot of things.

The Life Partner?

Going by the number of blog posts I have been reading since the last few weeks, this seems to be a topic on the minds of a lot of us out there.

The Life Partner. The one with whom I will spend the rest of my life? Just the very thought is scary. What if I get it wrong? What if I end up marrying the wrong person? A lifetime of grief and frustration?

And how do I find the right person? Where do I even search? And how will I know when I do find her? So many questions!!

Arranged Marriage? Love Marriage? Arranged cum Love Marriage? What the heck!

I want to think, why take the trouble at all? Why marry at all?
Why can't I just be on my own all my life?

These were the questions that I often used to ask myself. And I think I am gradually finding the answers. And I find myself slowly gaining a kind of peace as I understand these answers.

You see, one of the biggest of my concerns was always making a mistake and choosing the wrong person. I mean, the world tells us that there is someone made for us waiting for us somewhere. But what if that someone, if she did exist, was somewhere out there, say in the jungles of Africa? :-)

Or in Alaska? Or in New York? Paris? I mean how you can ever be sure that someone is the one made for you till you have met every other girl out there in the world! How can you ever be sure that there is no one else out there who's not a better match for you than the one you are with now?

So if this doesn't make sense, what we are really coming down to is someone within our circle with whom we have a logical chance of having a relationship. But which then means it’s a choice. It's a choice whom we decide to love. Whom we decide to marry.

I am not saying we can choose or decide to fall in love with someone. But we can and do always choose to continue to love or not.
There is always an element of choice.

Next for me is the aversion to arranged marriage that I had for a long time. How can you marry someone whom you hardly know?

But fact is, I have seen them succeed. I see my friends happily entering into arranged marriages. And I now realize, there's a basic reason that they do succeed.

You see, first of all, it's an exercise of choice by both the parties.

To understand the second, let's take the example of a couple who fall in love. It may take no time to fall in love, but it usually takes time to be really in love with someone. And it happens only after a considerable period of togetherness, when two people grow with each other and learn more about each other.

Of course two people would want to spend considerable time only if they like each other in the first place. But then the truth about liking somebody is, we are generally inclined towards liking people.

I mean if two people, with good hearts and clean intentions, and a basic level of compatibility, meet, they are more than likely to end up liking each other unless there's a turn off from either side. I mean, why would I not like someone who I know is a nice person?

And if two people who like each other spend time with each other, more often than not, they are going to end up falling in love. It's almost an inevitable law of nature!

Well, maybe not always. But what I am driving at is, this is exactly the same situation a couple who has had an arranged marriage is in. They know they like each other. There is a bit of chemistry and they seem to be compatible with each other. And they have chosen to love each other. And even if they do not feel love when they are married, with time, they inevitably will end up in love. It's as simple as that.

So ultimately, what I realize is, love is not always the instinctual love at first sight or the passionate romance. Often it's simply a decision to love. A decision to face life's battles together. And share the joys and sorrows together.

And when both the partners are committed to that decision, the marriage has every chance of success. That's all you need really.

So all you people out there don't sweat. The love in the movies and novels also does exist. But so is the kind of love that grows on you. The kind where you don’t even realize when it has happened to you.

But ultimately, it all starts from a simple decision.

And I tell myself all this and write down all this and then one question comes straight to me. What about the passion? How in the world can you manufacture passion where there is none? Can you arrange passion? But I do not know the answer to that question yet.
That's the unexplained magic I guess.

I can only hope, that whoever it is, would feel as much passion for me as I for her. Yes, at the end of the day, fact is, love is best experienced, not defined.

And I have now realized that my attempts to understand and explain this wonderful phenomenon is futile.

And so I give up. And hope. For the magic to happen someday.

And I want to end this post with these quotes from the movie, The Village.

"It is amazing what two people love chooses to unite. It follows no rules."

Are We Good? Or Are We Evil?

To Kill A Mocking Bird.
Separate Lies.

Atticus Finch (To Kill A Mocking Bird): "If you just learn a single trick, Scout, you'll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it."

Two movies I watched last weekend. Two very different movies, different stories. At first glance, nothing in common. But they both raise an interesting question. Are we basically good or evil?

There’s a beautiful simplicity in the Atticus quote. If you can somehow put yourself in someone’s shoes, you will definitely end up understanding him. You will then realise why is it that he does certain things his way.

And this set me thinking. What is it that makes a person commit evil?

Can you do evil? Not at all??!

What if you sincerely think that what you are doing is the right thing, but is in fact causing harm to people?

What if your ego, anger, prejudices and bias has made you blind to their suffering?

What if you have lost the ability to empathize?

What if you cannot put yourself in the shoes of the other and see life from their point of view.

What if you think you are smarter than your conscience?

What if you just don't care? What if simply you walk by someone in need?

What if you simply keep quiet?

Mother in laws harassing their daughter in laws.
Daughter in laws harassing their mother in laws.
The same mother in law whose own daughter is the apple of her eye.
The same daughter who would do anything for her own mother.

Are they then good or evil?

Parents ill treating their children.
Children abandoning their parents when they are old.
The same parents and children who may be excellent husbands, wives, friends. But unable to see their own kin in the same light.

Are they then good or evil?

Though I want to believe that someone who has been truly touched by love cannot do evil to his fellow beings.
But people fall in love all the time. Hitler was in love. That didn't stop him. But then maybe his love was selfish.

2000 years ago, a Great Someone knew that Love is the answer. "Love thy neighbour. Love thy enemy.", He said.

But then how many of us can do that? How many of us even understand what that means?

Another question the Mocking Bird raises is how do you protect the ones you love from evil? You can't be with them every time.
And what will happen when they inevitably have their brush with evil? Will it destroy them? Will they lose all hope in mankind?

And I think it’s the answer to this question that's Mocking Bird's ultimate moral lesson. And one of the reasons for its popularity.

No one is absolutely good or evil. Most people have both good and bad qualities. The important thing is to appreciate the good qualities and understand the bad qualities by treating others with sympathy and trying to see life from their perspective.

If we can remember this lesson from the Mocking Bird, it may be possible to live with conscience without losing hope or becoming cynical, when confronted with the evil in the world.

Another lesson the movie teaches, something that I have myself learned in life, is that all that evil needs after all, is the silence of the good. For good to turn a blind eye and do nothing at all. And I myself am guilty of this.

On a closing note, I have to say I instantly fell in love with the character of Scout. She's the most intelligent 9 yr old I have ever seen portrayed on screen. And she simply stood out from other kids of her age. One very special kid. Someone you know would grow up to be a strong young woman. And then you realise, of course, she has been raised by one very special parent. Atticus.

I just can't wait to get my hands on the book now.

Books, My Best Friends...

Questions. I am often asking questions to myself.

Questions that bother me and torment me till I find an answer. The kind of questions that may not have an easy answer. And I often do not hope to find the answer.

But amazingly,everytime I do end up getting the answer. And it’s a beautiful feeling when that happens. That moment of enlightenment, when what was foggy suddenly becomes crystal clear.

So everytime I set out in search, I find what I set out for. And the answer doesn’t come from somebody wise or elder. The answer doesnt come from somebody a friend.

I find the answers to the questions in my mind in, … the books that I read. And I almost always chance upon them when I least expect to. Flipping though a random book and suddenly I am staring at the answer to my Question. Right there on those pages. Random pages from a random book.

And it seems to work everytime! So heres what I do whenever something nags me. I pickup a book from my shelf, and turn to a random page and start reading through.

And I invariably find words of wisdom. Words of comfort. That help me and soothe me. And give me courage. As if they know whats going on in my life. And they are trying to help me. Just like a friend would do.

It’s like in this movie, “Next Stop Wonderland”, where the heroine has this book gifted to her by her dad and she often picks a page at random and just picks a random word on that page. And that word almost always symbolises whats going to happen next in her life!

And I feel blessed. Lucky. That my advisor, my pal to turn to in doubt, are these books, written by the great authors.

May be each one of us has someone elder, or a close friend, to whom we turn to in distress. But for me, I find my comfort and solace in these books.

But i then ask myself, what is this miracle? How can these books be my guide? How can they know what I am searching for.

And I realise may be this is the way You speak to me. And this is the most wonderful. Nothing more beautiful. Nothing at all.

Passion vs Reason

What do you choose? Between passion and reason.

Why I ask this question? Let me explain.

Saturday morning.

I have an argument with my dad. Regarding the new stereo system that we were planning to buy. Well, my dad really loves his music and wanted to buy this really expensive hi-fi 5.1 channel DVD system.

And me, who's used to ending up at the nearest multiplex at the drop of a hat, was like who will ever watch a DVD/movie at home?!

So I argued that we should instead go for a nice stereo system that will be cheaper and drop the plans for an expensive DVD system.

I stopped arguing when I saw a little hurt in his eyes. So I finally agreed, but was not convinced at this 'waste of money' as I saw it.

Sunday afternoon.

The brand new sleek and sexy box arrives at our home. And am blown away just by the looks! And then we play a DVD movie. It's a song I have heard many times before.

And I am totally blown off by the sound I hear. Crystal clear and distortion free. Loud but no noise.

I couldn’t help wondering this was a song that I had heard so many times before and yet here I was hearing sounds that I had never heard before! It was an exhilarating experience!

Today one of the reasons I rush home every weekend is just to lie down in front of my music system and hear my favourite songs. I can even play the mp3 collection on my laptop through this!

It's amazing the kind of joy this has brought me. And I am thankful to dad for not giving in to my reasoning.

So that's it. What your passion says may not always seem logical, but the amount of happiness that it can bring to you, is unimaginable.

Never again will I let my passion be subdued by reason.

Because what I may gain, is a hell lot more than what I may lose.

So follow your passion, wherever it may take you.

There’s no other secret to happiness.

Insights!

Insights! There’s a difference between knowing something and knowing the secret behind something.

Be it Life, Love or Technology.

Secrets which are secrets because they are not obvious at first glance and choose to reveal themselves somehow someplace while you are working on the questions to which they are the answers. Or sometimes when you are happily doing something totally different!

And that’s when you gain the insight! And your mind becomes somewhat enlightened. And from then on you see things in a different light.

I find great delight in such little insights that I get from time to time, mostly when I am least expecting it.

Like the time when I was working on a really tricky problem, debugging late into the night and decided to give up for the day and go home. The moment I reached my place, the solution struck me like lightening! And I couldn’t wait to reach office the next day and try out my solution. It’s a really painful feeling to know that you have the keys to the treasure but you can’t open it till morning!

And next day early morning I walked into my office mumbling to myself the way to solve the problem, to the amazement of my colleagues. And boy did it work….

Or Like the other time I remember when we had been given a tough problem by our Physics Prof., which no one could solve. And the solution suddenly came to me while, of all the things, I was taking bath!

I know how Archimedes must have felt when he found the solution to the King’s problem by discovering density while laying in his bath tub. Legend says that he was so elated with his discovery that he actually ran out naked shouting “Eureka! Eureka! I have found it!!”

Nah, I didn’t dare do the same at that time. That was Greece, 200 B.C. This was India, 2000 A.D.

Jokes apart, this blog really is to share with you many such insights, some delightful, some enlightening and some plain funny. On Life as well as Technology.

And I hope you will feel the same sense of wonder and agreement I had when these insights struck me.