My Life..

That breathtaking shot. That inspiring scene.

Transported dreams. Poetic awe.

That hard to put down read. That philosophical write

Movie magic. Musical high. 

Lazy weekends. My friends.

Morning sunrise. Nighttime glow. 

Mom's kitchen. Maximum City.

What would my life be, 

without you.

Who Am I?

Just looked at my orkut profile and saw how horribly outdated it is..or have I changed a lot in the last year..I guess we are ever changing...our interests, hobbies, priorities..does it then make sense to define who you are at any given time?

Who am I?
If only that were such a simple answer.
The lessons life throws at me,
how can I not be different each day.
Does it matter then who I am today,
when I will no longer be the same tomorrow?
Or maybe, I will always be the same.
And no one will still know the difference?

The Greatest..

The hardest thing in the world. The Wait.

The greatest gift?  The gift of Inspiration.

The purest thing? Unbridled Enthusiasm.

The best unwind? Friends n Music.

The greatest escape? An engrossing read. A thrilling watch.

The greatest invention in the world?

 The telephone. Never far from the ones we love.

 The aircraft. When the sound of their voices are just not enough.

The most beautiful thing in the world?
 Two people, in love with each other. Their eyes.
 A mother's unconditional love.
 A father's pride.

I Want..

I want a world without fires.
 Would that be a world without heroes?
I want a world without crisis.
 Where will then be the opportunity to rise up to the occasion?
I want a world that's easy. 
 But that would be bore me to the death.

I want a world without pain.
 But then would happiness still mean the same?
I want a world without evil.
 But then what would good triumph over?

I want a world without fights.
 But would anyone then care about anything?
I want a world without problems,
 But then how would I ever grow?

I want a world where I get what I want.
 But then would I prize them as much?

I want a world without work.
 But then would my life mean as much?
I want a world without rules.
 But so would be a world full of chaos.

I want a world that's fair.
 But that's too much to ask for?
 How else can I be wise?

Meeting myself...

It's not daily that you open the door to pickup the morning newspaper and find yourself standing outside.

"Heavens!! What the hell?!"

And it's not daily that you end up with Heaven and Hell in the same breath.

"Am I dreaming? What are you? And what are you doing outside?” I add.

"I am you! Who else!! Can’t you see? Wakeup!"

Well, it's someone who looks very much like me for sure. Well, I'll just let him in and see where this goes...

"Ah, well, then, come on in." I now try and act cool.

"Have a seat. Should I say, consider yourself at home?"

"Well, thank you.

"So, what brings you here then? I wasn't really expecting you, you know?"

"Well, what's life without a little surprise thrown in? Isn't it?"

"Thanks! I am really glad for the surprise."  

"This is a dream, isn't? Please tell me this just another of those dreams". I am pinching myself as I say this.

"Well, you are the one who keeps talking about dreams coming true! But ya, this is no dream."

"Great!” I look around, rub my eyes. But to no avail. Things around me are still the same.And he is still standing there in front of me! This is no dream!! 

But he seemed harmless. I feel I can relax a bit. After all, it's just me am dealing here with!
"So where are you from? And what news do you bring for me?"

Is he from the future? Scenes from Terminator flash through my mind. Nah, I think I would settle for Back To Future instead.

"Yes I am from the future. October 2012."

2012? That's the year all those news channels had been touting as the new "End of the World" date.

"What?!"

"Yes, they are right. They are this time."

"I don't believe this. And if the world did end, what happened to you? How are you here?"

"I am here to help you save the world."

"Me? Save the world?" I am about to faint, as I hear loud laughter.

"Nah, joking! Caught you!!"

"Please, right now am not really in a mood to appreciate your humour, so if you can please?" 

Am beginning to lose my temper.

"Can you please tell me why you are here? You see, I really don't like getting angry, especially with myself."

"Hey have some patience man! I have a question for you."

A question? What's he going to ask?

"Well, I want to know.... why haven't you blogged since long?!"

What?? Did some of my readers send him here?

"Well, you know...change in place...it's a new project..I have more responsibilities now..."

"Crap!"

"Well, I just haven't been able to take out much time to write..!"

"Have you forgotten how much you loved writing?"

"Hmm..I haven’t...but..."

"Hey, you don't use it, you lose it!"

"I don't want to lose what I have."

"Yup. And that takes some work now boy."

"I still love to write. That act of creation. That flow of words. Filling up the blank spaces..."

"Yes..that quiet satisfaction..of having let yourself free..of letting your imagination fly.."

"Of not being happy with your first write and it getting better and better with each draft..."

"Thanks...thanks for coming in here and encouraging me to write again."

"Well! I have defied all the laws of physics to just be here."

"Who are you really? Are you really time traveling or something from the future? Or are you just an illusion?"

"No. I am your spark. The spark of your imagination."

"Ah!"

"And now make me a promise that you will continue writing regularly?"

"I promise :-)"

"It's time for me to go then."

"When will I see you again?"

"I will be back, just when you need me again. :-)"

And with that he vanished into thin air. 

And I retire back to my bed thinking I have to write about this!

Being in the zone...

That sense of wonder. That thrill.
That goes right to the heart.

That wonder of creating something.
Something that's truly yours.
Master of your creation.

Of small little wins. One at a time. Adding up.
Lightning hands. Magic in them.
World stopping still. Time flying fast.
No stopping me. What are obstacles?

That sense of silence. Another world.
Peace. Joy. Happiness. Exhilaration.

To feel elevated. Above the ordinary.
That is to feel heaven.
It's called being in the zone. That moment of absolute bliss when you are God.
And whatever it is that you are doing, you are at your absolute best.

Programming, photography, writing....some of the things that have thrown me into the "zone"....

But nowadays its so much harder...work load, change of place, dont know what..

A Moment of Inspiration

So this one's inspired by all that IPL fever going on..and also an attempt to capture a moment in time...

Out he walked into chaos.
11 pairs of eyes boring down deep into him,
seeming to tell him,
you too will perish, just like the others.
Soon you too will be running back home,
tail between your legs.

He trudges along scared. A situation too alien for him.
Hopes of his team resting on his fragile shoulders, as thoughts race through his mind,
Why me, Lord? Why has it come down to me of all the people?
So many stars, yet it's me who's been asked to do this miracle.

He takes his guard trembling, his partner watches him from the other end.
The speed wagon thrutles down the ground.
He could feel the earth shake even more.
As if a storm was heading straight for him.
A deafening sound.
And in a moment, it has whizzed past him.

He's still alive. But the battle's lost.
The predator has smelt the fear in the eyes of the prey.
Something that will spur him to come back stronger to swoon in for the kill.
He wants this to quickly end. It's hard to take in this pressure.

And he looks at his partner, to see that he has given up hope.
He turns to look at his coach, who can only shake his head in despair.
He suddenly feels very lonely. All alone in this impossible situation.
Left to fend for himself.

And in this moment of loneliness, he remembers his fathers word's.
You are no good, just look at you, you can never be a cricketer.
You will always be a failure in cricket as you are a failure in life now.
And suddenly his face is flush with rage.
He remembers the promise he had made to himself, to prove his father wrong.

And this here, right now, he could hear his father's laughter.
Almost mocking him.

I have to do this. I will prove myself.
All those days and all those nights, has now come down to this moment.
A sudden strength comes over him, possessing him.

The storm comes running down again.
Up goes the bat, swinging down from the height,
the sweet sound
and away goes the ball, a beautiful trajectory,
high, sailing away,
way over the limits,
right into the deafening roar of the crowd.

It's a maximum! It's a miracle!

But he's still standing there. Suddenly the world's a blur.
But he can still see that white,
trace that path up into the sky,
almost as if in a slow motion replay.
Proud that it was him that had put it up there.
Boy, such a beautiful sight,
to see it go flying into the air like that.

He had done it. He had conquered his fears yet again.
He had proved his father wrong.
But the irony wasn't lost on him.
In the end, it was in his father's very words,
that he had found courage,
when he needed it most.

There does exist some kind of magic in this world...

There does! Of late I have been noticing a lot of coincidences in my life..certain things seem to keep happening, when they might as well have not happened! Is there a meaning to all this? There must be..but I cant understand yet...

But it all seems magical..like how I often ask these questions to myself and somehow, through the words of some friend, or sometimes strangers or TV or a random book or movie..I do get the answer...

It's as if the world is actually speaking to me...

I wonder..does this happen to everyone..or is this a sagitarian thing?

After another busy day in office...

Never been motivated to write a fictional piece before...but this is fun! My second piece of romantic fiction, this time it's not a programming language :-)...

Another busy day in office. All those conversations and discussions and getting things done and solving problems and now he was tired. All he wanted now was to be just be home with her. See her smile at him that way she did every time.

The way only she could ever. A smile that even today, after all these years, brought to him a peace he couldn't explain. Every time he saw her, he had felt so much at home, in a way he had never felt before he had met her.

Walking down the stairs from his second floor office, smiling to himself, he suddenly gets a call. It's from her. He picks it up eagerly only to realise at the first hello that something was wrong.This was not the beautiful sound that he could never have enough of.

She had been admitted to a hospital. She was down with a severe attack of diarrhoea and vomiting. It must have been the team outing the day before that she had been to, he thought to himself.

He couldn't help feel a pang of regret. Wish he had been there with her...

But right now the only thing on his mind was catching the first cab to the hospital. He reaches the hospital and rushes into her room.

And there he sees her. Her eyes closed, she is sleeping with all the serenity in the world. He carefully closes the door so as to not wake her up. And he sits down beside her. All he wants to do now is to just keep looking at that beauty that lay before him.

And he couldn't help wonder. All those beautiful women out there. All those pretty faces that fascinated him. All those women who liked him and admired him so much. And yet it was she whom he had fallen for.

She wasn't what one would say, a traditional beauty.Yes, on her day, she could blow away men with her looks. There were days when she would strut in looking stunning. But for him it was never about how she looked. For him, it was about her. Her complete whole. About who she was.

And right now, as he looked down upon her, in that sterile hospital environment, he couldn't escape the reality of how ordinary she looked in her sickness. The sickness had drained the colour from her cheeks. And her long hair was bunched up in a knot behind her.

And yet, even in that ugliness, he couldn't help wonder how someone could still look so beautiful. That beauty lay in the eyes of the beholder was the oldest cliché he had heard.

But here, now, in that moment, as he looked at that face, it hit him with all the certainty in the world, that before him lay one of the most beautiful sights ever. Nothing, nothing at all could be
more beautiful than this.

And then she opens her eyes. As she sees him there, the graveness on her face gives way to a smile, like the tiniest rays of sunlight escaping slowly from behind the dark clouds. That's all that she could manage in her condition.

He picks up her hand and holds it close to him and looks down into those deep black eyes, eyes he could never help being lost in.

And then he just stays that way. He doesn’t utter a word at all.

But in the silence of that moment, she looks into his eyes and hears the most beautiful music ever.

Between Py and Ru..

Gail: "Have you ever been in love?"
Roark: "I still am."
Gail: "And when you walk through that building, what you feel is greater than that?"
Roark: "Much greater, much greater."

What if Ruby and Python were women? Then I would have to say that I am in love with two women. Outrageous? Ridiculous? Crazy? Whatever. Here’s my love story.

Well I met Py first. She was so different from the others. At first I couldn’t understand her and I didn’t like her. But I don’t know why I took the effort to know her. Destiny?

Maybe it was the hope of finding something beautiful. It took me some time to know her and get used to her ways. And soon I couldn’t help but madly fall in love with her. Conversations with her were so simple and effortless. When I was with her, I was no longer the tounge-tied shy guy the others knew me as.

They say love is one exhilarating feeling. And I couldn’t agree more. I could only see her wherever I went. She was the love of my life, I thought.

Until I met Ru. Well I had heard about her before. Knew her a bit. But I guess, I was so much into Py that I had never bothered to know Ru more. Why do I need her when I had Py with me.

But here in ThoughtWorks, I saw the kind of spell she had the guys under. I would see her smiling at me as they exclaimed praises about her. Everyone seemed to be so much in awe of this girl I had known since long but never cared to know well enough.

Curious, I began to make short talk with her. One conversation led to another and soon I started feeling drawn to her. What attracted me most about her, was her way of life, her philosophy.

She had very clear ideas about who she was. And what she wanted to do. I found myself agreeing a lot with the way she saw things as.

Life to her was about making making people happy. Simple. She believed she was in this world to bring joy into the lives of people around her.

Soon she had me laughing and enjoying her company. She’s fun, I thought to myself. Clever, intelligent and really beautiful.

And like Py, she too was a girl of few words. Yet what was so beautiful about her was the way she could express much more with those few words. Considering that I too like to keep my words to myself,I felt absolutely at home with her. It was like we were connected at some level. So few words exchanged, but yet a lot being said and understood.

I was surprised to learn that she was brought up in Japan by her Japanese father. But she considered the world her true home. She had a handsome Dannish boyfriend too. Somebody deeply in love with her. Somebody who she said was very vocal about her and went around telling everyone how she had changed his life forever! Somebody so crazy about her that he believed he could change the world with her by his side!

“Kinda silly of him”, she said,“Thanks to him a lot of people want to know more about me. But people don’t realise that I am much more than his girlfriend!! But yes I love him for what he has done for me.", she said.

Oh, she has a boyfriend, I tried to hide my disappointment. But yes, love does make people do all kind of crazy things and he seemed to be very much in love with her.

Maybe she saw the frown on my face and added, “Ofcourse that doesn’t mean I can’t have friends!". A smile on her face as she said that. Or was it just me beginning to feel smitten.

As days went by, I found myself craving her company more than anything else. There was something so beautiful about her. No, not the kind of beauty that Py had. Ru was beautiful in a totally different sense.

She appealed to the part of me that craved freedom. Freedom is true power. The freedom as in “Free to choose”. 

Free of restrictons. And inhibitions. Not limited by rules set up by disciplinarians who tell you that the restrictions are for your own good. They may have a point. But I guess I can decide for myself what is good for me and what is not.

And soon I found myself falling in love with her.

Now what? I am in love with two women. Who’s the one for me? Who’s side should I take? Who’s the one with whom I should be?

Two sisters. But two different philosophies. And it’s their respective philosophies that intrigue me more.

Py likes things neat and clean. She won’t go with the unruly guy.
And she is very particular about maintaing her space.

Ru lets you have your way. She can be sweet to the nice disciplined guy. And also play along with the bad disorganized guy. She doesn’t discriminate and adapts herself to make everyone feel at home. For she wants all, each and everyone to experience her joy.

Two wonderful people I have a great time with.
If only I could be with both of them....

The Greatest Feeling...

What we feel is what makes us human. So whats the greatest feeling in the world, besides being in love?

For me I have now realised, it's what I feel after I have done something that I have always been afraid of.

Yes the greatest feeling on this earth for me is conquering my fears.
Going out and doing something that's scary. Or rather your mind says that its scary.

You see its in the very act of confronting our fears that we live our lives to the fullest.

Right now, for me, it's like a tap that has been opened. And the water's flowing out real strong. I am no longer afraid. There's no stopping this current.

For I have conquered my fears. I have gone out and done what I thought I could never do. And it has filled me with so much confidence that now I know I can win over my other fears too. I know it wont be easy. But win, I will.

And it's an absolutely heady feeling. I feel like just jumping up and down shouting out loud, Hey! Hey! You know what?! I did it! I did it!! I am no longer afraid!

It's like this exhilarating feeling of extreme happiness where you want to scream your lungs out because you are filled with so much energy that you just have to let it out!

What was the impossible is now history. I have looked fear in the eye, and defeated her.

Now I am the one smiling at her. And she is the one trying to hide away from me, vowing she will come back one day in a new form to haunt me again.

Come again, I don't now care, for you now have lost your power over me. I have defeated you once,I will fight the battle again and victory will be mine to savour again.

Life can be very unpredictable. Life can be very short. All we have then is the now.

And its the greatest injustice in this world, if we let fear prevent us from living our lives to the fullest.

Because more than anything, tomorrow may just never come.

Tonite's the Night...

We are going live with our website tonite....this is what we have been working on since the last 8 months...

Tonite is the night,
that will decide our fate.
All that work
and all that toil,
hope there won't be no spoil.
All that ache
and all that pain,
hope that won't be in vain.

Tonite is the night,
so long has been the wait.
Anxious moments, fingers crossed,
may things go a song, as hoped.

Tonite is the night,
we will win the fight.
Come what may,
we won't sway.
And fight we will,
till it's all still.

Tonite is the night,
the story,it will come to an end.

And the glory will be for ours to claim,
And the happiness will be for ours to savour.

In love with Kimya Dawson's Juno Songs!

It's late in the night and I was supposed to have hit bed something like two hours back because I had this terrible headache...but here am I writing this post with the headache a distant memory and the night still seeming young :-)

For the past two hours I have been listening to an endless repeat of the Juno soundtrack. Specifically Kimya Dawson's songs.

Of course my favourite is "Tire Swing". Something so beautifully simple about this song that I just can't explain! You just can't help falling in love with this song...And I have always been in love with the sound of the guitar strings...

Number two would be "So Nice So Smart". A song that just brings a smile to my face, time after time.

Number three would be the rappish "Loose Lips". Just listen to the lyrics :-)

Number four would be the "Tree Hugger". Another nice hum along song with interesting lyrics.

Number five would be Rollercoaster. The soundtrack has only a 53 sec version of it. But now after listening to this full version I realize this is the best of the lot! Lot of energy in the song, and great lyrics again.

Among the other songs in the soundtrack I liked a lot are "Dearest" by Buddy Holly, All I Want Is You by Barry Louis Polisar and Any One Else But You by Michael Cera and Ellen Page ( the ending song sung beautifully by the stars themselves...)

Another special mention would be Sea of Love by Cat Power. Another deeply meaningful song sung beautifully.

Maybe its the novelty of the soundtrack that appeals to me most, the songs are wonderfully different from the run of the mill that you hear often. But they just give me so much joy.. I can't help listen to them again and again and again...

And for the first time in my life I so much wish I knew how to play the guitar, for all I want to do right now is to just strum along to the songs!

Thanks people for some great music! You make my day everytime I listen to you!!

Ah Coincidence!

Ah Coincidence!
What are you?
Are you for real?
Or Are you a dream? An imaginary illusion?
Are you really who you are?
Or are you more than what you seem?

Ah coincidence, why do I see you,
when others cannot.
Why do I ask you,
when others do not.

Where do you come from?
What do you want to say?
Why are you here?
When you can be elsewhere.

What do I see in you?
What others cannot.
Magic and mystery, beyond what we know.
Who has sent you?
What do you want me to do?

Ah Coincidence!
You never cease to amaze me.
How can you be for real?
The hearts alone know how it can feel.
I welcome you with open arms.
Make my life an everyday adventure.

Ah Coincidence!
I love you for who you are!

Passion vs Reason.. Part 2

I have always been a believer in choosing passion over reason. If only for those few moments of extreme happiness.

But today I saw these three movies over the flight, which made me realise one thing. Passion can destroy you. Passion can spoil your life beyond repair.

Movie 1: Unfaithful. Diane Lane has an absolutely passionate extra-marital affair.
Movie 2: Mandira Bedi again has an extra-marital affair with her lover.
Movie 3: Amrita Singh, mother of a girl about to be married, spends a passionate night in the fields with her lover.
Some villagers happen to see her the next day and mistake her for the daughter.
And the daughters name gets spoiled. Mother is left stunned, unable to say the truth.
Daughter unable to bear the shame and also unable to tell the world that it was not her but her mother kills herself. (Great direction by Megna Gulzar...)

Three lives destroyed by passion.

What if you knew such a woman?
What if you knew your next door neighbor's wife was such a woman?
What would you think about her?

Bitch? Whore?

What would you feel about such a woman?
Anger? Hatred? Disgust?

I would feel pity. I would feel sad. I would feel an understanding. We all desire love so much. And the way we are made, we cant help but be attracted to that love. It's the very basic instinct. And also a need to feel alive.

So when love comes knocking at your door, what do you do?
When you know this person feels more passion for you than your husband can ever do, what do you do?
What do you do when you know that a few moments with this lover can give you a happiness you haven't known for long?
Even if its wrong...
Who doesn't want to be loved like crazy?
How can a wife, neglected by her husband not give in to this wonderful and passionate lover?

And here, I want to put all blame on the husband. A woman gives you her heart, which is I think the most precious thing in this world. From the million other guys behind her, vying for her, she choose you. Yes you. You above everyone else.

And what do you do with that? You take her for granted. You give your heart to your work, you give importance to your interests.
And you forget that this is the woman, who could have wanted anyone she wanted to, but she choose you instead.

At the same time, often it doesn't mean that the husband doesn't love her. Sometimes we guys don't know how to show our emotion. Sometimes we forget what it means to the woman in our lives to be given something as simple as a lovely rose, out of the blue ,for no reason at all. Or when you surprise her by making her coffee in bed. Or when you take her out on a surprise date!

That was the romantic side of things. Another opportunity for love comes when you make a sacrifice for her. When you so want to watch your football match but you still let her watch her favourite movie. Yes love means putting her before you.

And I am reminded of the story of the Magi by Omar Henry. Christmas is the season for gifts.
But what happens when two lovers, too poor to buy each other a gift, still want to make each other happy?
The girl shaves of her hair to buy him what he wanted.
The guys sells of his watch to buy her what she wanted.
Two people, sacrifice the one thing most important to themselves, for the one they love.

So sacrifice then is another side of love.

So what if you are that husband? You love your wife dearly, but somehow you let your work take more importance.
Busy in your daily life, you forget to care for her. You forget she has needs. She has desires.
She wants to feel special. She wants to feel loved.

And fed up of you she drifts away. She wants to leave.

What do you do then?

If you truly love her, you fight for her. You put in all your heart and soul to win her back.
And it is that fight more than anything that will bring her back to you.
Nothing more great for a woman than seeing her love, love her so much as to fight for her.

Love then means you are ready to fight. You are ready to fight for her love.

But all this love thing seems so complicated. I feel the deepest admiration for people like Abdul Kalam and Mother Teresa, who have never married and may be, may be never loved a woman/man all their lives. But love is not absent from their hearts. Theirs is a love so great that we ordinary mortals can only admire.

I mean how is it to be someone like that? To be so filled with love that you love the entire world?
To be so selfless in love. To feel so much love as to not ask for anything in return?
To sacrifice yourselves for the greater good of the world?

What I want to say to all those women out there, who don't feel as loved by their husbands, give us guys another chance.
We are not so good at showing our emotions. We may not take you out for a candle light dinner everyday. But we do love you deeply. Tell us you how you feel and let us fight for you.

And to all those guys out there, it's wonderful to be loved by a woman. Don't take her for granted.

Simple things really. And they write all those books and manuals about love and relationships!!

And my greatest respect and admiration to all those men and women out there who look passion in the eye and yet resist the wrong. Because what matters is doing what is right. Even if your heart wants to do the wrong thing.I mean, after all anyone can be swayed by passion. But the strong still walk down the right path.

Passion vs Reason...its not such a simple thing after all..sometimes the only way is to follow the path and let destiny unfold.